Here I Am
by Dark Closure
Summary: Hatsuharu finds himself trying to help heal the deep wounds in Kyou only to find that you don't get to really choose who you fall in love with HaruKyou
1. Tragedy

Here I Am

It was the sound that first called to his attention. He thought it was a bird at first that was complaining about the rain that pelted to the ground so hard that the heavy drops bounced back up causing a look of 'raining up'. Sluggish from the weather, he remained around the same area to become bothered by it. With a sigh he let his feet carry himself closer to the odd chirp that gradually became weaker. When it stopped he had found himself off the road home and in the unfamiliar woods that he could only guess was part of a park. Red eyes slowly rolled around the area as he continued to drag his tired feet through the moss and mud. A yellow sack caught his sight, tucked under a bush, nestled amongst broken sticks and branches. An odd smell was in the air, one that he was all too familiar with. His jaw switched from tightened to relax in a nervous reflex. The odd bulges in the plastic set a twisting coil in the pit of his stomach as he gingerly approached. Kneeling down he found the sack to be tied shut, closing off the contence from prying eyes.

Letting his umbrella slide down his shoulder and rest upon his head, he reached down - taking hold of the knot and untying it. With a quickened pulse, he pulled open the plastic, parts of it stuck to fur, flesh, and bone. He held down the bile that crawled up his throat at the broken bodies, a few bloated from the recent hot weather. The teenager found himself shaking as he let his breath slowly hiss out from between his teeth. He pulled the sack out off its forgotten grave, at least he could give the little ones a decent burial. That was when something moved. Eyes opened in amazement when some of the fur moved and gave another chirp, so very weak as little eyes tried to open. Tan hands dug into the decay, mindless of how some of the bodies squished and popped under his skin. Pulling the battered tiny being out of the mess, he quickly cradled it to his chest. Standing up he ran off as fast as he could, the suffocating weather surpassed due to the urgency that thrummed through his body.

---------

"Kyou-kun!" Tohru's brilliant smile nearly blinded him when the cat walked through the door. She paused as an grotesque sent swept passed her as he hurried by. Dirt and unidentifiable objects clung to his shirt and skin, "Kyou...kun?"

He was already up in his room door closed and locked as he sat on the floor. He glanced to his hands, his usual tan skin blanched from what he had seen. Tired eyes closed only to see himself digging holes and placing tiny bodies into the earth. There was a low knock on his door.

"What?" he sighed as he rested his head in his hands and grimaced at the smell and rotten film in-between his fingers.

"Kyou..."

The cat found himself frowning, Why was the ox knocking on his door? The redhead's sensitive hearing picked up the sound of his cousin's hands being placed on the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Why Yuki dump ya and now you want your old friend back?" he found his normal bitter tone to be more of a dead one.

There was a silence on the other side before an odd ticking sound came from the knob, "Maybe."

"Maybe? What the hell do you mean by maybe! You fucking stabbed me in the back to just-" he was suddenly pushed as the door was forcefully slammed open. Crouched on all fours Kyou glared over his shoulder at a certain stoic someone who had a hair pin and a sliver thin screw driver in his hand. He gave a sigh, he had no energy at all, it was all spent. After he found out about Tohru and Yuki he couldn't seem to get out of his funk then today happened. He slumped against his floor finding it unusually soft, "What do you want Haru?"

The ox watched the boy that had his back to him, he really was worse off than himself. At least when he figured it all out he had already been resigned to the fact that Yuki didn't like him that way... He took a step in, "Someone gave me a call, said... you needed some cheering up."

Kyou's eyes had closed as sleep started to slowly take hold of him, "You mean Tohru called you to check up on me because I haven't talked to her in a week."

Haru slowly closed the door behind him, he spoke over the soft click of the door, "A whole week huh? How bad was the let down?"

"You tell me. What would it feel like when you're in the middle of the confession only to have her say 'oh! by the way Yuki just asked me to be his girlfriend, isn't that great!'?" He sighed as his body relaxed more, he had to remember to go back tomorrow with some flowers.

"I see," grey eyes watched as breath started to even out on the boy on the floor. He could only imagine what it would be like to never be able to confess your feelings, all of it still bottled up inside now poison as you watch the one you love run around happier than you could ever make them. Keeping quiet and staying away would be the only way you could truly be able to show your love for them after that... like Hatori and Kana.

Haru gave a huff through his nose, well unlike Hatori he wasn't going to let Kyou just waste away. And it wasn't like he had stopped being friends with his cousin, their relationship had just changed a degree, he was pretty sure he could change it back... or at least that's what he hoped for.

He paused, there was an odd smell in the room... usually Kyou's room was so void of everything that nothing ever got the chance of picking up strange odors. Taking another sniff he discovered that it was rather nasty and by the pungency it had to be rather close. A deep frown formed his lips as he came closer to the slumbering cat. Squatting down, a pale hand reached out to a shoulder with specks of dirt decorating it. The bi-haired youth half leaned and half pulled taking in the sight of the one below him. Letting go of the shoulder he reached up brushing his fingers through the grime that rubbed off into orange hair when Kyou had run his hands through the fiery locks at some point. Haru couldn't help but think of how much pain was flowing through the cat if he believed he deserved to sleep in such a condition. The usual Kyou, the Kyou he knew, would have taken a bath immediately while cursing about what had happened.

----------

Kyou was barely aware of the warmth that surrounded him. At first he tried to pull away from it, instinctively trying to keep a hold of that familiar cold grasp that coated his body since he was a child. It was the only thing that he knew of that told him that he was alive. But when searing hot arms held onto him, he twisted and pulled close to them. Wrapping around as something sloshed against his skin, the feeling of cloth gently running down his arm, the grime of horrors being removed to be replaced with the clean sent of soap.

He had barely opened his eyes, leaning his head back to feel a chest. Haru's face was the only thing in his vision. He briefly wondered why the ox was so close to him, why he felt wet all over and how come those gray eyes swam with so many emotions.

"It's okay Kyou," a wet hand came up to brush at his dry hair not even pausing at the clot of flesh that clung on to him. "It's okay."

His eyes stung again, his vision blurred as hot tears welled up but remained unshed. He leaned farther into the strong chest, even if this was a dream it felt so nice to hear those words, even though they were not the words he truly wanted to hear.

"Sorry," the cat's voice was nothing but a pained whisper as he closed his eyes, finding him self drift back into blissful sleep. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry."

------------

When he woke up the next day he felt sore all over, mostly in his hands. He could explain the hands though, he had nothing to dig with when he made the grave except for his own fingers. The events of last night came flooding back as he sat straight up. Quickly looking over to his clock he found that it was already past noon, a small panic rushed through his body before he stopped in the middle of fighting to get his covers off of him. He... was in bed. With further inspection his body was clean and he was dressed in pajamas. He patted his hair to find it washed and brushed. The cat was at a loss of what had happened until the door to his room opened.

Hatsuharu leaned against the door frame with a small tray of snacks and tea held in one arm. He gave a tender smile, "Good to see you awake."

Kyou's cheeks reddened at the memory of the bath, the usual subtle blush very bright in his paled state. Hatsuharu had bathed him, changed his clothes, his current state obvious evidence that it wasn't a dream and no one else would have been as kind. 

"The fever back?"

"Huh?"

The ox walked up to the side of the bed, placing the tray on the end-table. Leaning over he ran his hands over Kyou's hair, pulling back his bangs and placing their foreheads together. He closed his eyes concentrating on the difference between their body temperatures before pulling back and ruffling orange hair in a way he remembered doing when he was a child. The sweet memories of sneaking up behind the cat and playing with his hair to get a gentle noogie in return seemed so far away, yet with in his reach when they were like this.

"W-what the hell was that for!"

Haru's face split into a smile, that was the tone of voice he was used to the kitty having. "Ha'ri came by earlier to check up on your health. He said you have a cold that's trying to advance into pneumonia. So no school until your better."

"I'm not sick! And why aren't you in school yourself?"

"Got suspended for throwing a desk through the window," he gave a half shrug. "And you /are/ sick."

As if to prove his point on his fitness the redhead threw his blankets up as he started to stand, "I'm fine!"

"No you're not!" the sudden out burst of anger stopped the both of them. He had never sounded so agitated before, not even black Haru rose his voice in such a tone.

The two stood at a stalemate, wide red eyes staring into started gray.

To Be Continued... 


	2. Inner Pain

Here I Am

Haru's cheek stung as he laid on the floor. The familiar welt of Kyou's fist throbbed reminding him he needed to get up and go after the cat. He didn't think his simple outburst of emotion would enrage the redhead so much. Gray eyes closed slowly as he placed a hand over his heart.

-"What the fuck do you know!" A fist connected with his face sending him to the floor. Kyou angrily grabbed the folded pile of clothes that had been set out for him, "Speaking as if you know what's going on... makes me sick. Just go back to your weak-kneed girlfriend of a horse and leave me the hell alone!"-

The memory hurt as much as when it had happened. His heart felt like it had cracked deeply and when he lifted his hand he looked at it, expecting blood to glisten on his fingertips. Not many liked Rin and for a long time he thought he was in love with her. He fought to keep her in his grasp, with in his heart, but even after sharing his body with her, hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, he felt there was something out of place. Eventually they just grew apart. They still talk but even that is a rare occasion now. "Weak-kneed" she really was, she could barely stand up and walk let alone hold the power behind her practiced cold glare.

He sighed as he stood up, it must... really hurt to see everyone else around you happy, having your affections refused since your youth, never being offered love since your earliest memories... And what good did he do? He was right there with the rest of them, becoming his friend then tossing him to the side like a used rag.

Haru hurried down the stairs, the wall clock ticking away as if to tell him that he was running out of time. He had a sick feeling in his stomach as he shoved his feet into his boots. He wasn't going to leave Kyou again, he'd rather shoot himself in the head than... A white coat was shrugged on as he ran out into the pouring rain.

-----------

The thin, slick ground beneath his feet didn't help the shivers that rattled through his body. The child's cry tearing at his ears as he tucked between some leaves finding a slightly dry patch of ground where he could set the boy down. He felt so tired as he sat down next to the little one that cuddled close to his body for warmth. Laying down he curled a little, his eyes having a hard time keeping open. When he got a concerned look he only smiled and touched a patch of black upon the tiny head. The kid was so young that he couldn't speak properly, but body language was universal.

"Don't worry," Kyou pushed himself back up onto his feet. "I'm just a little tired."

Carefully he picked the boy back up and continued on his way. He hurried to the nearest dry spot that was down his path where he took time to wipe some water off of the small one with him before continuing on his way. 

Two things where in plaguing his mind. One was the prominent whimpers and whines coming from the tiny thing he was lugging around, trying so desperately to get home. The other was Hatsuharu, that one wasn't so forward in his mind. It was an underlining constant that whispered and pulled at his mind begging for attention. He knew he shouldn't have hit him, at least not like he did. But soon as those gray eyes gave him a look of concern something snapped deep within him. It was that same damn look he gave that fucking bitch of a horse. It wasn't like he was blind, he had more than once seen them out on their 'dates' and each time the aged pain ebbed at him, growing with each laugh they shared, each secret kiss. But what haunted him the most was the day that Kagura had dragged him to her house when her parents were away. She fawned over him and was acting the wife as if playing 'house' before he made some lame excuse of not wanting to get caught by Akito and her parents and managing to escape. Oh god the memory hurt...

-"Haru, if you die I want to die with you," he had heard Rin's voice when he passed under a window trying to keep out of sight.

"Idiot, if we died then we wouldn't be able to do things like this."

He didn't know what had compelled him to look, but he still peeked over garnet colored eyes widened at their naked state as they laid amongst sheets. His breath came in short gasps as he found himself running, he had not told anyone but he had ended up collapsing in the corner of an empty street -wishing that his hyperventilation would suffocate him.-

He hated that memory the most. It still make his stomach churn each time he remembered it, and as a result he had to place down the needing kid in favor of emptying his stomach in the water that rushed down the gutter to be washed away to a sewer drain.

When he was done being sick he looked around, wasn't sure how long it had been since the last time he had stopped considering now he was surrounded by the walls of the residential area. Nothing was dry and he could only hurry as fast as he could, past here were the stores, more houses, then home. But when his foot came down he couldn't pick it back up from the ground. This... wasn't good.

----------

It was much colder than he had expected it to be. He could see his breath and he felt a desperation to find the wayward feline. He brought up a hand and wiped away the heavy rain that blurred his vision. He gave a verbal curse, "Fuck" through his teeth. He wasn't sure where he was now, there were to many damn houses that looked like they were made from the same cookie-cutter all covered and closed off with the same damn walls.

That was when he heard it. The high pitched chirping whine that pierced through the rain. It was persistent and... frantic? The panic in his chest rose when he saw two cats suddenly scuttling down the street not caring when they had to trudge through puddles. That was not typical feline behavior unless... His breath caught in his throat as he ran after them.

The cat was a quick creature, quiet nimble as well considering they had jumped a few fences to bee-line to where they were going. He struggled to keep up with their agility but his concern wouldn't let me even consider giving up and trying to find his cousin any other way. The sound was getting louder as well, until it seemed that it was piercing in his ear, a few lower mewls soon joined in as he ran down another block, his legs starting to ache as he picked up his speed. He nearly skidded around the corner to see a group of cats. Some sat staring, others cried, some gathered around orange fur in an attempt to keep the fallen one warm. Sitting on top of the limp, colorful, feline was a small, baby, kitten, its cry still jabbing into his ears as it pawed at a non-responsive ear.

Everything seemed to shatter. His head felt dizzy as he forced himself to breath, all he could hear were the howls of cats and his own heart beat as he ran forward. He didn't even realized he had screamed out the name of the one he had been looking for.

--------

He wasn't sure how he had ended up there. It was warm and painful all at once and when he opened his eyes it only hurt more so he opted to keep them closed. Something was around his hand, a burning heat that made him want to pull away from the agony it was causing. He would have moved away, rolled over, opened his eyes again, if he wasn't so tired. There was no energy, he was barely aware he could think basic thoughts that even registered what the difference between hot and cold was along with how pain felt.

There was a small hum as the heat started to move and Kyou barely understood that it was a thumb rubbing over his fingers and knuckles. The comfort he felt from the simple action was something he couldn't measure, for the most part because he never had experienced a level of comfort that was something that simply told him something along the lines of "it's okay", except for when he was in the bath.

He wanted to say something, confirm his suspicion but he was far to tired, exhaustion petting at his mind as he slipped back into a dreamless sleep.

The next time he was pulled himself away from his state of rest was when his stomach twisted into his throat. Reflexively he rolled to his side bringing a hand to his mouth. He heard something shift as he got up to his hands and knees. Bile stung up his throat and threatened to crawl up his nose as he emptied the bitter-sour acid that was so adamant on leaving his body. A hand stroked his back as he did so before promptly falling to his side and curling up around his aching stomach. When what ever it was he threw up in was moved he managed to pry his eyes open long enough to catch a glance of Haru placing a small trashcan to the side before everything going black once more.

To Be Continued... 


	3. Take Your Meds

Here I Am

When Kyou was feeling better he did /not/ have a peaceful arousal. Then again it wasn't every day that a kitten tried to shove its face up your nose while drooling obsessively. It really... really made him feel the need to move from his nice little warm spot and into the shower. But first he needed to figure out how to move his arm so he could unplug his nostril. He sighed, regretting it almost instantly because the kitten had some how managed to cover his mouth and was currently trying to shove its paws up his last breathing hole.

There was a laugh from his side as he finally attempted to pull the kid off of his face and breath again. Red eyes shot a glare at an amused ox who had the look of someone who had just woken up.

"Mention this to anyone and you'll understand how 'fist' can be used as a verb."

Hatsuharu shook his head and only gave the softest smile Kyou had seen in his life. A blush formed over his cheeks when his cousin only replied with, "I'm just glad to see you awake and feeling better."

The cat turned his attention away and relocated it to the tiny thing that was currently digging non-existent claws into his hand while playing with his fingers, obviously said claws had been trimmed. The little black puff of fur had an egg shaped belly, a telltale sign that he was being well fed, and it seemed that the talkative little brat was filled with new words that he could only associate with Tohru and Haru having. Man, that was a really weird combination giving the kitten a very unique accent, it was like... well, it was threateningly polite.

Pale fingers reached out and ran through orange locks, a large palm resting over his forehead, "You're still a bit warm, did you want to get some more rest?"

Kyou adjusted in his blankets, this kindness was setting him on edge. It was completely unfamiliar territory, it didn't help that all of the two toned youth's actions were out of the blue. He knew that Hatsuharu wasn't a switch hitter, sure he had Black but at least you could tell when the darker side of the young man's personality would be coming out. There was always some sort of warning, a prolonged silence, a particular twitch... you could always tell, or at least that's what he believed.

When he had moved he noticed something, his cheeks burning red as he turned his attention away from the one next to him. "Haru... why am I naked?"

The ox pulled back, his cheeks decorated with a pink hue as he got up to find some clothes. He found that he had to clear his throat before he could actually say anything, "Ah, ahem, that... well you kept on changing from cat to human so many times that I ended up giving up on dressing you so... yeah..."

"I see," Kyou managed to pull himself up into a sitting position, giving a disgruntled grunt as his bones popped. He reminded himself of a bunch of packing sheets being stepped on when he attempted to stretch, "Geez," he hissed. "How long was I out?"

"Nearly a week," a change of clothes were draped over his head. "Hatori-nii said that it was best that you slept through it all so he added some codeine to your medication."

"A FUCKING WEEK!"

"If you didn't run off like you did then you would have never gotten that bad in the first place! What the hell where you thinking anyway!" Haru turned away from his cousin, that was still pissing him off. Not the fact that Kyou had left but the fact that he had let him leave in the first place. He was angry with himself, frustrated that he couldn't prevent the cat from going through any more pain, that he actually caused some of the pain. It… ate at him.

The redhead became silent as he pulled on his shirt. He could have just snapped back, yelled some excuse except he didn't like lying to Haru. He never did, never will. Besides he didn't want to answer something that was nearly impossible to explain, especially to someone that most likely wouldn't understand. He knew Haru wasn't dumb, it just was… complicated. Taking the kitten, he placed the little black fuzz ball on his shoulder as he stood up, his back to his cousin as he slipped on his underwear and pants.

"Look, Kyou, I know you're hurting and..."

"It doesn't matter," the cat moved to the door to his room, the feeling of walking again after so long settled an odd feeling in his body. He could feel the gray eyed gaze on his back as he grabbed the door knob, he paused a thick quiet in the room. What was he supposed to say? He had loved Tohru, loved her more than life itself and he had told her that he would giver her his full support not matter who she chose and yet... here he was, acting like a wounded, spoiled, brat. He wouldn't talk to her, look at her, hell he really didn't care if he was going to die or not. His love for here though was nearly as strong as what he hand for… He looked down at his hand holding the door knob, like he said… it didn't matter. What ever the cat felt it didn't' matter because the cat was worthless. Everyone made sure he understood that, especially that damn horse and rat. After loosing Tohru he thought that everything was gone again but then, he found the bag of broken and beaten kittens and the only one that survived the horrors that he didn't even want to imagine.

Red orbs glanced over to the kitten on his shoulder, wide baby blue eyes slowly turning into a brilliant green. He reached up a hand to steady the wiggly creature... 

"Haru..." He finally spoke up looking over his shoulder and giving a smile, "Thanks."

And he left the room with all intentions of nice shower, or bath, which ever. That left a red teen behind. Hatsuharu had no idea why Kyou's smile had such an effect on him, maybe it was him actually saying words of gratitude towards him, then again it could have been both. Either way it set a lump in his throat that he had to swallow down, the sound of the gulp loud in his own ears. He looked down to rumpled futon and blankets on the floor, his face heating up more as he remembered each time he had to wake the cat up for the medication. It was like clock work now that he thought about it, each time happening like the first... but it was the first time that really stood out amongst his memories.

-He shook the slumbering cat that protested on not wanting to wake up.

"Come on Kyou, wake up, you need to take your medicine or you'll never get better," his voice was low in the dark room.

He just got a grunt and a groan and a weak attempt to swipe at his face before the redhead curled up in a fit of violent coughs. The ox reached over with a tissue and held it in front of a mouth preventing the spread of germs and catching dry lung infection that was finally breaking up. He threw away the tissue as the panting young man only watched him, a sliver of deep red locked on him.

"Sorry," Kyou said again as his breath came in deep rasps.

"Make up for it by taking your medicine. Sit up."

He tried, he really did, pushing himself up on all fours, his arms shaking in his weakened state. With the last of his strength he managed to sit back on his legs, his head falling back so his gaze was on the ceiling. Hatsuharu had to push away the thoughts of how beautifully erotic Kyou looked at that moment. Orange hair tossed about, sweat tinting his naturally tanned skin with a delicious shine, his shirt open with only the night's natural light for illumination.

The elder of the two started to slump to the side causing the two toned cousin to catch him, their bodies instinctively pressed together for stability. In the end Kyou wound up on Haru's lap to that the thick liquid medication. At first he couldn't take it, he coughed it up before he could swallow much. This really worried the younger, if the medication couldn't be taken then... He wouldn't think about it, there had to be away... He thought for a moment before it hit him, he had heard about the swallow reflex in biology class once. Taking some of the medication into his own mouth he winced trying not to gag on the strong stuff himself.

Pulling Kyou close he placed a firm hand on the back of the cat's head, his fingers naturally entangling in the short orange locks as he pressed their lips together. With a little effort he got the cat to open his mouth and shoved his tongue back to a spot of the other's mouth where with a small press the other instinctively swallowed as he slowly fed the liquid. After he made sure it was all swallowed he realized that the other was clinging onto him, hands clasping his shirt as he had unnecessarily pressed their bodies tightly together. He tried to restrain himself but he couldn't help but swipe his tongue over the other's that slid against him willingly.

When he pulled away a hand slid from his shoulder to his face, halting before it actually came in contact. So much pain in those red eyes as Kyou whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He nearly chanted it before falling asleep once again.-

After that he had found himself giving the cat his medicine through their mouths each time turning it into a kiss and almost every time Kyou had apologized. And each time he would watch him afterwards, trying to figure out why he would do that. Why would someone so strong act so broken? It actually hurt, he never thought that his cousin could be like that. He didn't like it, he liked the strong Kyou, the Kyou that shouted, yelled and gave feral grins. The one that apologized though, only set a sickening feeling deep inside that welled up unknown feelings. Emotions he couldn't identify, it was a part of him he couldn't...

"You're still here?" Kyou's tired reply was. He knew he hadn't fully recovered, but at least moving around now meant that he was doing a hell of a lot better than just sleeping through everything. That reminded him, "Haru?"

"Hn?"

"Um... how... did I take medication if I was out that long?" Yeah, that question had been bothering him since the shower, and his little cat friend didn't know enough words to explain what he'd seen but he did know enough to be hyper and make absolutely no sense.

The ox's eyes narrowed a bit, he didn't know why but he didn't like the idea of administering the medication any other way. He turned his attention to the brown bottle on the desk, reaching over and fingering the child-proof cap.

"It is about time for another dose," he grabbed the bottle, took off the cap and emptied some into his mouth.

"O-OI!" Kyou reached forward, eyes wide, "Don't take medication that's not yours it could really mess you u-!"

Before he could finish there were lips on his, his eyes were wide as his mouth was opened and a tongue coated in bitter-sweet medication slipped into the warm cavern of flesh. That one spot on the back of his tongue was pressed and he instinctively swallowed. The back of his head was grabbed as a strong hand gripped his hip pulling him close. All of the other 'administrations' flooding back to him as he gripped the shirt that Haru wore.

To Be Continued... 


	4. A Little Amending

Sorry, I've been sick and I'm still a bit under the weather. So if this Chapter isn't what you expected it to be I blame; the flu.

Here I Am

He chocked on the small whimper that arose into his throat. All those memories of Hatsuharu taking care of him were quickly replaced by ones he didn't want. The ones where the ox took care of a certain horse with such care, with the same eyes watching her, the same looks, touches... His grip on Haru's shirt tightened as he pulled his secret crush away. His trained glare focusing on the one in front of him. A part of him twisted at the slightly hurt look he received, but he would NOT be used.

"Hatsuharu," Kyou's voice was firm. "I'm not Rin."

The slightly hurt look turned into a confused expression, "I know that. Why would you-"

"I'm not Yuki either."

"I /know/. What are you getting at?"

Kyou took the kitten from his shoulder, the same kitten that he pulled out of the sack of death and decay, the same one he had snuck out in order to get from the vets and ended up becoming even more ailed, the very one that served as his last strain of sanity. His fingers stroked the palm sized feline unconsciously seeking the comfort he needed. It was hard for him to say this, because in his mind saying it meant he was also confessing. The simple words ran deeper than they seemed as he tried to make the statement sound as simple as possible.

"I won't be used as a replacement."

They did run deep, in fact they cut Haru as he took a step back. His gray eyes falling from the garnet gaze, it seemed he had acted with out thinking. But that didn't mean that it wasn't true, the need for someone, the need to be close to a familiar warmth.

"Haru," the cat's voice pulled his attention back to him. The redhead was looking down at the kitten that purred happily with eyes that were trying to drift shut, "It's... not like I'm not thankful... You took care of me when no one else would... and, it would seem you took care of little Hoodoo for me as well. I just wanted you to know that I-" he took a breath, "I want you to think about it... that's all."

With that he turned around and left the room, it felt stifling and he was a little hungry. He slowly descended the stairs, eyes still fixed on the now sleeping little thing in his hands. It hurt, a lot, but he did feel better now that he had that little 'talk' with Haru. He stopped at the base of the stairs, his head still felt light and slightly dizzy but getting something warm in his stomach would help the medication along and he would get better faster. Picking up his feet he turned the corner, heading towards the kitchen where he could hear the small humming of Tohru raising musically to his ears. His body instinctively froze. He... wasn't sure if he was prepared to talk to her just yet.

As he was torn between going to the kitchen or going back to his room the decision as to what to do was made for him when a joyous brunet came out of the kitchen holding a tray of freshly made goods. She too froze when her eyes met the cat who was loitering about. Her eyes got big and watery. She had been so worried about him since Hatsuharu came home holding a socking wet kitty-Kyou and a black kitten. They had Hatori come over and the man was going to take Kyou to the hospital when Akito actually ordered them not to. The family was stuck with daily visits from the doctor and the constant supervision of the bi-colored ox.

"K-Kyou...kun," tears pearled down her cheeks as the tray in her hands started to shake with the rest of her body. She was so relieved, so very relieved.

"Oi! You're going to dro-!"

The tray clattered to the floor and before she could stop herself the tiny, high-school girl latched onto the redhead turning him into an orange cat with a puff of smoke. His body was caught in her embrace as he caught the kitten by the scruff in his mouth. He pulled the kid up to the safety of the cradle of her arm before he was cuddled by wet cheeks.

"Kyou-kun, Kyou-kun you're okay, you're okay and you spoke to me!" She sounded way to happy for someone who was sobbing as much as she was.

"Yeah, yeah! I'm okay just put me down before I puke all over your dress!" He really was feeling nauseous from the sudden form change and then viciously attacked with love.

"OH! I-I-I-I'm sorry!" She quickly put him down, not really noticing that he had taken a hold of the kitten's scruff yet again, "I'm just so glad you're okay and you're talking to me again."

Kyou placed the kid down on the floor the tiny chirping protests of being woken from his nap in such a rude way was silenced when a warm tongue ran over his small muzzle and head. The simple action rewarded a certain orange cat with a burst of loud purring, sufficiently shutting the annoying clamor of baby words up. He gave a sigh, it seemed that he was at a loss. No one allowed him enough time by himself in order to think things through in solitude like he was accustomed to. These problems were being shoved in his face and all he really could do was make do with what he had.

"Look," he twitched his tail in discomfort. "I've... been a real jerk to you."

"Hu-Huh?"

"I tried to alienate you when I said I'd support you no matter who you chose. God, I'm stupid."

He looked over his shoulder as a black tail trailed under his chin from the kitten demanding more parental affection. Like he suspected, Tohru had her patented smile of serenity.

"It's okay," she sniffled trying to wipe some fresh tears away. "Because I knew Kyou-kun would need his space, because you like to think by yourself and I was going to wait until my friend came back with the answers he was looking for."

Smoke filled the small area as she quickly turned around. Kyou reached over and ruffled her hair in an affectionate way before quickly getting dressed. It really had been less painful to talk to her than he had originally thought. For a moment he was ashamed that he had thought that their friendship would have deteriorated. He smiled to himself as he picked up a mewling baby cat, he just had to face the fact that Tohru didn't love him like he wanted her to, that Haru wouldn't love him the way he yearned for, and... -he looked down at the kitten, whom he had named Hoodoo- and it was okay. It would hurt, for a very long time, but eventually, slowly, the pain would dull, he would be by himself and if he played his cards right... He held Hoodoo up high over his head, tiny paws reaching down for him.

"What is her name?"

Kyou looked over at the brunet who was picking up the spilled tray, "It's a boy."

"I'm sorry!"

He gave a tired smile and looked back at the kid, "Hoodoo, his name is Hoodoo."

"Hoodoo? That's a fun name!" Tohru got up and scuttled back into the kitchen where she grabbed a towel to finish cleaning. "What does it mean?"

The cat lowered the black feline to his chest, "It's the name of a type of... well, it's hard to explain, it's not a religion, nor a magic..."

"A be-gic?"

"The hell is that?"

"A word I made up, it's belief-magic," she looked overly proud of herself.

Kyou felt even more tired, he was still recovering after all, but still he chuckled and tapped her forehead with his knuckles, "Sure, it's a be-gic. I read about it, it's based off of Voodoo but has many twists because other religions were integrated into it."

"But isn't voodoo bad?"

"I don't think so... but then again it's not like I run around tampering with stuff like that."

"So why name him Hoodoo?"

The redhead stifled a yawn as he turned and started to head upstairs, he really wanted to sleep some more, "Because then he could curse the people who do him wrong."

"His own personal self defense! Brilliant!"

Kyou was pretty sure if he looked over his shoulder he would become blind by the glee that was radiating from the woman as she rambled on, "But just as long as it's not anything harmful, hurting people is bad. Ah, Kyou-kun you going to rest?"

"Yeah, I'm just a little sleepy."

"Sleep well, I'll save dinner for you if you'd like."

He paused at the top of the stairs, "Tohru... thanks."

"You're welcome, I'll make sure it's all nice and healthy for you."

Like usual she didn't get it. He smiled a little more as he pushed down the dizziness coming to his room. Going in he gave Haru a small glance, the boy was fast asleep sitting at his desk. That's right, Hatsuharu had been awake most of this time taking care of him. The ox must have been exhausted. The orange cat placed Hoodoo down on the floor, softly padding across the room he shook Haru's shoulder. When there was little to no response he simply shifted his cousin enough to get a good grip on him, then moved him to the futon, it was big enough for two bodies, that was if he was going to share it. He pulled the covers over Haru and simply laid down on the floor next to him, Hoodoo curling up between the two of them. And as he was between sleep and awake he felt warm arms wrap around him, pulling him underneath the covers as soft breath brushed against his hair, and the kitten climbing on top and finding a small nest of blanket between two slumbering bodies.

To Be Continued... 


	5. Forgiven

Here I Am

-...- Memories/past events

A month had gone by since Kyou woke up in the warm embrace of a particular cousin. Four weeks since the cat scared the ox into a fitful daze by getting a nose bleed on the pillow they shared; thirty-one days had passed filled with Hatsuharu coming over daily just to spend time with someone who would always skitter away with a particular black kitten perched on his shoulder only to be followed and teased over a blushing face. Yes, it is true that the cat had to much pride and it was embarrassing as hell to have Haru nearly faint when he saw how much blood really can come out of the human nose.

So now, Yuki was standing in the hall, leaning against the wall currently watching the scene in front of him with a particular detachment. The only thought that passed through his mind was - "Hatsuharu never was that persistent with me... huh."

"Kyou let me in or so help me I'll break down this door!" Haru yelled giving the door one more good whack with the palm of his hand.

"Why the hell should I let you in! And stop making everything sound weird!" Was the call from the other side.

"How am I making 'everything sound weird'? If you didn't run every time you heard my voice then everything would be fine. Now open up!"

"You're making it sound like we're a couple, how is that NOT weird! And NO I won't!"

"I already asked you out three days ago!"

Yuki's eyes widened a bit, he didn't know that.

"And I already said no."

"So giving me a hug and a kiss is a no! Then what the FUCK is a yes!"

The rat continued to watch, this was better than those soap-operas on TV. OF course, he always believed the best form of entertainment comes with out a price, well... maybe the price of a few broken doors and furnishings but that doesn't count.

Kyou held the door while Haru tried to rattle it again, "Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Kyou, we obviously need to talk so let me in."

"Get bent!"

"Why you little!" The bi-colored teen got a good grip and with all his might wrenched the door open sending the wooden board off of its frame and pulling a particular cat out into the hall, who still had a hold of the broken handle on the other side.

"... You..."

Haru peeked around the door, "We. need. to. talk."

Red eyes glared, "You fucking broke my door! The hell is wrong with you! Couldn't you just break through my window like a normal psychopath!"

"So I'll pay for a new door!" Said door was tossed to the side loudly clattering down the stairs causing a spying Shigure to skitter off to safety before it had a chance to do any damage to something living. "But right now I want a /straight/ answer from you! Will you go out with me or not?"

Kyou gave a sigh, god damn his pride and shyness. He glared over at Yuki, "The hell you staring at?"

"Just watching 'As The Sohma Family Turns', but I think it's about time for a commercial break," he gave a half shrug and walked past them, absently giving Hoodoo a scratch behind the ear as he descended the stairs, the growing cat jumping down from his shoulder perch and following in hopes to get find some kitchen scraps.

"..." The redhead blinked wide eyes, "What... did that mean?"

Haru hadn't been paying attention to Yuki, he was fixated on a feline's answer and he wasn't getting one. Damn it, this was pissing him off.

"Kyou," his voice was laced with warning.

A tan finger was suddenly shoved into his face, "Don't you /dare/ go black on me. I'm thinking alright! Do you have any idea how much I've tried to get your stupid attention since we were children only to be brushed off to the side in favor for someone who couldn't understand you in the slightest? Watching them take advantage of you but if I tried to say /anything/ you'd go on the defensive for these... these... /people," he practically spat the last word. All of this, he had been needing to say this for years, it was finally lightening the heavy burden that weighted down his shoulders, "Then you started to pick fights with me, for what reason? I don't know! But I knew that you needed to work something out of your system and that's why I obliged! Do you have any idea what it's like to have someone you've /LOVED/ all of your goddamn /life/ actually come and ask you out after you've given up hope?" He felt his eyes sting but he wouldn't cry, he wasn't finished, "I feel like a fucking last resort! Oh look, there's Kyou he's desperate enough for any type of companionship lets go and take advantage of him. Maybe we can crush him even more before his life completely stops!"

"That's not-"

"I'm a last resort," it was whispered with a wavering voice. There was a silence, thick and depressing before garnet eyed youth turned around with all intentions of finding something he could repair his door with. He gave a sigh, he needed to end the conversation, "So all I ask is that you /think/ about it. Do you really love me or is this just-"

His words died off in his throat when strong arms wrapped around him pulling him back against a firm chest. Kyou's body froze from the sudden contact, relaxing a little when Haru's forehead rested against his shoulder. A familiar pain throbbed in his chest when a spot of his shirt became wet, he could hear his two-toned cousin's breath choke and hiss through clenched teeth as that strong body started to quiver. The arms around him, pulled him closer as if reassuring that he is there, that this all wasn't a dream or a nightmare.

"Haru, I'm sorry I-" 

His mind started to panic, he's made Haru cry, he couldn't handle.

-"It's your fault!"-

Kyou's eyes focused on the floor, his body as stiff as a board, the silent sobs in his ear feeding the memories.

-"...always crying because of you!"-

His body started to shiver.

-"You'll always cause pain, a monster like you can't love, you can't understand the concept of it."-

Vision blurred, clamping his eyes shut, tears pearled down his cheeks as he grasped Haru's hands around him.

-"I won't let anyone ever see you, my precious child."-

"I'm sorry," his tiny voice cracked.

-"Don't look at him!"-

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

-"Don't look at me!"-

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he started to practically chant it, his body curling a little. "I'm sorry Haru, I'm sorry."

The ox's own tears fell more freely as he moved so that his chin was nestled to a tan ear, his voice shaking as he held Kyou even tighter trying to reassure him that he was not alone, "It's okay, Kyou."

-"I heard a rumor that the monster has a friend. What kind of person could befriend a beast? That's right, they can only be a monster themselves if they find any merit in you."-

Red hair shook as his body started to rock.

This was tearing at Hatsuharu's heart, the bloodied wound that beat deep in his chest was ripped deeper and thicker. He did love Kyou, he did want to be with him, tell him how much he cared and get a smile in return not... not this. The feline was haunted much more than Rin ever was, his demons more hideous, his damage scarred causing a lot of it the inability to ever be repaired. And right then, right now, he needed to say something, anything to help quell the ghosts of the past that clawed and bit at his cat.

He spoke the first thing that came to mind.

"You're forgiven!"

The feline stopped rocking, his body no longer shaking, the sobs quieted. Haru pulled away enough to turn Kyou around, tear kissed eyes stared at him with such a mixture of emotions, so many of the dark and dwelling. But the one that made him smile softly, had him wiping tears away and stroking puffy cheeks; the one that he saw was hope. There was the Kyou he was looking for, the Kyou who had always been by his side, the one that had hope no matter what evils hissed and scratched at him.

"W-what?"

Haru sniffed a little, his own crying catching up to him as he continued to smile, "I forgive you, and I always will."

His kitty looked unsure, eyes looking around as if trying to pull answers from the very air, so he continued, "I don't care what anyone has said to you, what you believe you have to be sorry for, but I know you. I've known you longer than I've known anyone else in my life and you are /not/ at fault, and if by any chance you did do something wrong in your life, the life that you have that allowed me to be with you even as friends, I forgive you. Because... I have thought about it -a lot- since you told me you wouldn't be a replacement, and that's why I asked you. I do love you, Kyou, I really do and if you don't have an answer yet then at least lets hang out together until you do... okay?"

He grabbed a hold of Kyou's chin making their sights mix into a locked gaze, "Okay?"

The redhead swallowed as he nodded, "Okay."

Then he frowned, Kyou looked hesitant for a moment, then he leaned forward and gave the ox a light kiss on the lips and wrapped his arms around him in a firm hug. Several of his inner demons hissing and skittering away from him from the sound of Haru's words. Maybe... this could work out.

To Be Continued... 


	6. Soap Opera

I'm feeling a lot better so here's another chapter.

Thanks to everyone who wished me better health and for sticking with the story thus far. If you have any ideas, or want to read anything in particular don't hesitate to Email me or tell me what's on your mind in the reviews.

Thanks.

----------

Here I Am

Note: In Japan, melons are very expensive, they are also a bit rare and considered a delicacy in some parts. If a melon is given to you, then it is considered a very close and personal gift.

"God, I feel like such a crybaby," Kyou rubbed his temple trying to sooth away the headache that came in the wake of a good sob after nearly ten years.

Haru couldn't help the small chuckle that erupted from deep within his chest, he reached across the table to run his hands through bright hair. He really loved how soft it was, the color, the way it laid nearly perfectly... He briefly wondered if Kyou ever got bed head.

"You know, I'm in the same boat then."

"Che, a man shouldn't cry, no matter what."

The ox frowned a little in trying to understand, "'No matter what'? What if your family dies, something really bad happened to a good friend, or even when your own child passed away? I think it's perfectly fine to cry, especially in times like those."

Red eyes watched him as if these concepts were spoken in a completely different language. Headache forgotten as he gave it some thought, his mother was already dead, his biological father needed to be killed, sure he was attached to Shishou but he didn't know if he would hurt that badly if the man passed away. As for close friends he didn't have any, besides Tohru and she was in the safest hands around being Yuki's girlfriend now, not only was Yuki a good fighter he had political power as well, so Kyou didn't have to worry about that, and he didn't have any kids. Hoodoo ran up and jumped up onto his side, attacking the cloth of his T-shirt. ... And Hoodoo didn't count.

Kyou reached down, ignoring the pain of having tiny kitten claws tear into the soft flesh of his side, to distract the kitten with wiggling fingers. It worked and soon there were fresh claw marks to accompany old ones. "Nnn, I don't think people should cry," he concluded.

"Why?" the younger of the two moved so he could pull out some fingernail clippers, getting up he walked around and grabbed up the spazzing ball of fur that complained something about being interrupted with his 'mommy time', of course Kyou didn't interpret, he was /no/ mommy. "And how come you haven't trimmed his claws yet?"

"Because people shouldn't show weakness, and I'm going to have his front paws de-clawed when I get him fixed in about two months, might as well let him have his fun while he still can."

"Well that 'fun' his causing you to bleed, besides, he can still climb stuff with his back claws, right?"

"All the point of letting him keep those, the front is more of keeping the door frames and furnishes safe from him."

Haru paused in trimming small raptor like toes, "Door frames?"

"He's already managed to decimate the one outside the bathroom."

"The hell," the ox wiggled his fingers against a black belly, little paws grabbing his knuckles as a tiny mouth tried to chew on the tip of his finger, "you've only been here for less than two months and you're already causing property damage like an angry woman, give your Mommy a break Hoodoo."

Kyou's face turned a very interesting shade of red, "M-M, I'm NOT his Mommy! And don't coo over him, damn it."

"Aa, Hoodoo, Mommy's in denial," he held the kitten over his head when he was done trimming talons of death. "Don't worry, Daddy still loves you."

The redhead's nose started to bleed again, "Don't call yourself Daddy to /my/ cat, DAMNIT!" It didn't help that said cat was already fixated on the thought that Haru was indeed his Daddy and Kyou was his Mommy. But there was no way in hell Kyou was going to say that to anyone.

"Kyou, you're nose," Haru placed down Hoodoo in favor to find a tissue. When he found one he came back and was insistent of treating the bloodied nose himself, "Tilt your head back."

That was what Yuki walked into after coming home from door shopping with Shigure, who was complaining at the front door about how he had to carry the thing the entirety of coming home.

"Jeez, let me do it."

"No. Just hold still... god that's slippery."

The rat walked into the living room glad that his 'soaps' were back on. He watched with interest as his younger cousin was wiping crimson off of his other cousin's upper lip. And if it was actually on TV, he sat down and pulled over the bowl of snacks that Tohru always supplied on the table.

When they were done there was a very uncomfortable feeling, glancing to the side the cat had to do a double take. The whole household was sitting there, watching with tea and snacks. He felt his eye twitch.

Shigure leaned over to Tohru, "This is getting good."

The brunet nodded as she reached over and took another snack to nibble on, "I still think Kyou-kun's going to end up with Hatsuharu-san."

"No way," Yuki reached over and took a drink from his girlfriend's iced tea. "I still say that Akito is going to show up soon and try to whore in on Haru's attention."

"You two have no imagination," the dog looked at them horrified. "We all know Momiji is going to come in and muck things up, Kyou's going to date him for a while, then realize his faults then beg for Haru to take him back but Haru will already be married to Rin by then and have a kid but realizes that everything is nothing but a mistake, get a divorce and he'll find Kyou himself and /then/ they'll get together."

"You might have a point there."

"Hey! Stop giving Honda-san strange ideas."

The two who had been watched had no idea what to do. This was not everyday behavior of the typical Shigure house. So, numbly, Kyou did something just as strange. With out feeling or change in wide eyed expression, he grabbed the table and flipped it up, cold drink and chips flying, blinding the viewers. The cat quickly grabbed Haru by the hand and ran off, Hoodoo some how winding up on top of the Ox's head.

"AH!" Shigure was the first to recover even though he was the only one squashed by the table, "They're running off to elope!"

"Go Kyou-kun!" Tohru cheered with a happy giggle.

"Who would have seen that one coming," Yuki mumbled holding the brunet's hand as they stood on the veranda.

----------------

They didn't slow down until they were in the city, leaning against a wall they breathed heavily as sweat trickled down their skin. Haru slumped forward trying to breath and laugh at the same time. Hoodoo taking a safer haven on the ground between the boys' feet. When they finally regained their ability to breathe again, the remained standing next to the brick wall now letting their strained muscles to relax just a bit.

"That was unexpected," the ox found a permanent smile on his face.

"We are /not/ a soap-opera."

"I was commenting on what you did back there," he leaned into the redhead just enough to rest his forehead against the side of Kyou's head. "I didn't expect you to take off with me like bride from a bad wedding."

"Get off of me," the red eyed teen pushed at his cousin. "You're no bride, that was no wedding, and stop embarrassing yourself by saying strange things like that."

Still, he got a kiss on the temple. Even though he grunted from the contact he didn't pull away. His hand was taken back into a pale grasp. Bending over he picked up Hoodoo before being gently tugged along the streets, to be honest he really didn't care where he was going. He wouldn't admit it, but he liked being this close to Haru, getting this attention. It was so nice, he didn't know what to do with it. Probably because of that, his inner demons were having a lot of fun with the uncategorized affection, but at the moment he was going to shut the little bastards up and enjoy this. He had given his word that he would stay with Haru until he had an answer, and two hours was not /nearly/ long enough to come up with a decision.

"Where... are we going?" he finally asked.

"No idea, but I want a melon."

Kyou stopped, causing his want-to-be boyfriend to halt as well, "You're going the wrong way for the store then, and why would you want a melon? Those things are expensive."

"I want to give you one."

The cat's cheeks tinted pink, "W-why would you want to do that?"

"Because you like melons, right?"

"Who told you that!"

"So I guessed right?"

"No one told you- oh my god," he groaned. Yep, he had just given himself away, no use trying to take it back now. with a small tug he indicated where the market was and they continued on their way.

"After the melon, where would you like to go?"

"I would say home, but considering that it's... 'unsafe' there at the moment, where ever is fine."

"We could go to a movie and get dinner to kill time."

"You're... turning this into a date," Kyou tried not to smile but failed. "You sly little-"

Haru's face was red this time, "It's not a 'date' just... two friends hanging out."

The cat held up his hand were the ox still had a firm grip on, "Two friends huh?"

"What's wrong with male friends holding hands?"

"You're grave is getting deeper."

"Okay okay, it's a semi-preliminary-try outs date."

Kyou gave a sigh, "Fine, okay, I'll give this one to you, but you better not get a big head over this."

"YES!" Haru nearly jumped, he planted a kiss on the cat's temple again, getting another grunt.

To Be Continued... 


	7. When You Don't Know

Here I Am

Haru had wished that the date was more of a date than just two buddies hanging out, but he had been the one to call it a semi-preliminary-try outs date. When they were done, Kyou had walked him back to the street that held the main house before waving a goodbye and heading home himself, Hoodoo scampering up to ginger haired youth with a loud cry to be carried. The ox couldn't move his body until Kyou was out of sight. He felt... at a loss. Kyou had never been to a movie theater before, seeing him timid as they entered the large building set something deep with in Hatsuharu. A part of him laughed in the darkness that seeded the recesses of his soul. It pointed out that he knew nothing about the cat and here he was already trying to pressure him into becoming more than just friends. The twisting snake of unsettlement writhed in his gut. He had known Kyou longer than he had known Yuki, he had far many more years of association and friendship with the redhead before he even heard of Rin. Yet here he was, standing among the empty street in the warm sun with the realization that he never asked about his friend's likes and dislikes. Never once had he tried to make that small step to get closer.

He made the small walk home, with a continuous question plaguing his mind. Why had he never tried?

"Haru?"

Gray eyes looked up to see the slender horse standing outside the door to his house. Her mini-skirt seemed smaller than normal, high boots showing off slender legs as her a strip of cloth that could barely be called a blouse clung onto her torso. He looked away as he dug his hand into his pocket for his house key.

"What's up?" He honestly just wanted to think, to try and understand what was wrong with him. Having a 'friendly chit-chat' was most likely going to set him into a very irritated mood for hours on end if he was not granted the little freedom of actually being able to think.

"Just wanted to talk but you've been gone for a while," she ran her slender fingers down her long hair idly as he opened his door. "But you seem bothered, want to talk about it?"

"No," he stopped and looked at her. "I'd prefer to figure this one out on my own."

"But talking it over with someone else could help line things up. You sure?"

"I said I want to do this on my own!" He snapped slamming the door behind him.

This was bothering him more than he originally thought. He quickly locked the door, he stood there anger heating his head. why was he so mad? why couldn't he figure this out? His breath started to come in short puffs, the sound of Kyou crying earlier that day rung in his ears. The ox grabbed his school bag and threw it as hard as he could. The item collided with the small end-table the telephone was set upon, knocking it over with the clatter of wood and the clang of the bell inside the device. He angrily took off his boots and threw them as he did his bag. The thick heeled foot wear soared through the air one causing a small dent in the wall and the other finding its mark breaking the glass frame of a family portrait nestled on the wall. Storming up to his room he couldn't get the sound out of his head, couldn't stop seeing the fragile cat beneath that mask of independence and furry.

He was angry, angry with himself, furious that he had no idea he was hurting so bad, livid that he had been by his side all this time and never saw once how much Kyou had screamed and called out for help.

Haru paced in his room trying to calm down, to think rationally. This wasn't working. He needed to hit something, work out his furry. He nearly broke his door charging out of his room and down the stairs. Ignoring his boots, he slipped on some tennis shoes that he never thought he would ever wear. His fingers pulled on the cuff of his coat sleeve as he quickly left his home, barely remembering to lock the door behind him. He didn't pause when he passed by Rin who was still by his front door. She scuttled after him.

"Haru where are you going?"

"To find Kyou!" He snapped venomously.

-----------------

"Kyou-kun," Tohru's voice was on the other side of his freshly installed door.

The cat barely made a sound loud enough for her to hear as he occupied himself with tossing a wadded ball of paper he had attached to the end of a bit of string for Hoodoo to play with. He felt so stupid, he had never been to a movie theater before and he nearly hid in Haru's coat when a group of females passed by. He gave a heavy sigh, he felt so pathetic of being so needy for attention. Men were never meant to do such things, let alone be attracted to their same sex. Or at least that's what his mother would have said, she had been so set on him becoming her ideal vision of a man and beat it into him so early in his life. But even back then, when he first saw Hatsuharu...

-"What's your name?" Gray eyes widened as he nearly circled the cat with small steps.

Kyou was imitating the movements, being sheltered like he had he had never seen someone else with odd hair and eyes before. He was silent as he reached forward and took a leaf from white hair that was a result from the boy wandering around in the bushes. He quickly pulled back, giving an odd face that clearly stated that he was shocked at what he had done and he was expecting to be punished for it.

Haru only smiled brightly, "You're cute."-

The cat gave small grunt when Hoodoo decided he wanted to just run around in aimless zig-zags around the floor. The door to his room slowly cracked open as his timid housemate was still wondering about admittance.

"Kyou-kun, can I come in?"

"Sure," the redhead didn't bother moving from his spot on the floor.

The brunet softly padded in, kneeling down beside him, "I'm sorry about today."

"You had fun didn't you?"

"Yes, I mean, I shouldn't have! You were having a moment and I ruined it I'm sorry and-"

"Wait," he sat up looking at her. "'having a moment'? It was just a nose bleed."

"You're nose was bleeding? O-oh! What if you are getting sick again, I should call Hatori-san," the girl panicked jumping up to her feet.

Kyou grabbed her arm and pulled her back down, she fell into silence as his grip on her wrist loosened and he rested his head on her knees, barely on her lap. He closed his eyes, he was confused as to what to do. He still hurt inside, he now had new fears that ran through his head telling him that Haru might be using him, the ox could easily find someone better and leave him in the dark once more. He needed the stability that Tohru's presence provided.

"I'm okay, I just... need to think."

She smiled and slowly stroked his hair with one hand, the other resting on his shoulder, "What do you need to think about?"

"If..." he cut himself off, it would sound weird if he told her but then again this was Tohru, she was understanding. "If I... really deserve Haru."

Out side the bedroom door a particular rat was watching through the crack of the door. He could hear their conversation as he stood about. It was an accident to come to seeing this, he had been heading for his room to do homework when he heard his girlfriend exclaiming about calling the family doctor once more. After Kyou's last statement the onigiri remained quiet, silently willing the pain from her friend.

Yuki turned around and silently went down stairs. He slipped on his shoes and opened the front door.

"Aa, Yuki where you going?" Shigure looked back from his newspaper.

"Just out for a little bit, I'll be back shortly," he swiftly left the house.

He had made fun of Kyou a lot, insulted him, put him down, bested him with all of his abilities trying his hardest to make the cat understand he was beneath him. But when he heard that, the usually confident redhead wavering, wondering if he was actually worthy of the ox that had pursued him since his early years, something started to move with in. He had to find Hatsuharu and talk to him, make sure all of this was not fun and games. Yes, it was entertaining to watch them interact with each other but when someone started to truly hurt then that was no longer funny.

The gray haired youth stopped outside the drive way, his eyes locking with the gaze of the one he was looking for.

"Haru," he stood his ground even though the ox looked extremely angry. "I need to talk to you."

"I have no time for you," the ox spoke as if it was common knowledge, he was still very pissed off and it didn't help when Rin screamed at him about how dirty and worthless the cat was after he announced he was going to see his beloved.

"It's about Kyou, I think you can spare a few minutes," purple eyes narrowed.

To Be Continued... 


	8. Small Talk

A/N: Sorry this took so long, life is a pain in the neck and I'm trying to fight off some unpleasant things. Also, sorry this is a little short but I needed to force myself past some writer's block.

HERE I AM

Haru was a one track mind. He had already decided he wanted to be with Kyou and all obstacles in the way were liabilities. But when Yuki had mentioned that what he wanted to speak about portrayed to his tender feline his anger was quelled even if it was just a small amount. Gray eyes narrowed on the rat daring him to continue on.

"Don't hurt him."

"That's a funny thing for you to say," the ox's lips tugged into a smirk. "Considering all of the abuse you've delt out to him."

"I have no delusions of how I have treated him, but what about yourself?"

The bi-colored teen's smirk turned into a snarl, "What do you mean?"

"Don't forget that you were the one who had befriended him then left him in favor something you never wanted. Haru, I'm only warning you, he's had enough pain," there was something in the rat's eyes. Pain? Regret? All of it wrapped together. He had never heard nor seen Kyou cry, but when he was with Tohru just now, it hurt. Hurt more than all of the welts and wounds he had given the cat. All of the condescending words he had spoken came back to haunt him. He had caused a lot of pain, he had contributed to the redhead believing that he deserved nothing more than to be locked away like a beast.

Hatsuharu snorted as he looked to the side, glaring at the pebbled ground as if it had caused him to do what he had done in the past. He had caused a lot of pain, but Kyou had hurt him as well. When the cat moved away with Kazuma, when he had confided in his new 'family' and not in /him, when the garnet eyed youth would not share his secrets and would close himself off, it all hurt Hatusharu. And in the back of his mind a small voice said that everything he did to Kyou went hand in hand with the love he held for him. He wanted to be there for him, to hold him, share everything with him but at the same time he wanted to hurt him to get even for the things that the redhead had done to him unknowingly.

"Haru," the rat spoke up again, his expression soft. "Just don't hurt him again. I may not like Kyou, but he's still apart of my family and I will grieve if he wastes away."

The ox only nodded. Yes, he would be careful not to hurt his precious feline again. The mere thought of hearing Kyou cry once more tore at him. Not again, if the redhead had to weep once more then he would make sure it was out of joy, but he was pretty sure he would still freak out if that happened.

-  
later -------------

Kyou looked up from the pot that he stirred as Tohru dug through the fridge to grab something that was supposed to go into the stew they were to have for dinner that night. Haru smiled from the small door way that lead into the kitchen. He had his arms folded over his chest and leaned against the doorframe. He had no intention of entering the room, he was content of watching his kitten cook with their friend.

"Didn't you go home?" One red eye narrowed giving an odd confused look.

The ox gave a small shrug, "I did."

"..." Kyou continued to stir and turned down the heat soon as the thick brothe started to splurt up as it tried to boil, "Planning on staying the night again?"

"If you want me over."

"It'd be wounderful for you to stay the night Hatsuharu-san, right Kyou-kun?" Tohru hurried by with an arm load of vegitables. She set about cleaning them as she continued, "The two of you have so much to talk about and we can play some games. Oh, and I could make some snacks, it would be so much fun."

Haru wasn't blind, he saw the sad look that Kyou gave the brunet, but the cat still managed to smile. It hurt to know that the redhead was still in love with Tohru but it was good to see that he was getting over it, slowly but surely he was. And the onigiri was right, they had a lot to talk about, now that they were (almost) dating they needed to get to know each other a lot better than they have fooled themselves into believing before hand. It was a given that Hatusharu did not know Kyou as much as he liked to think, but was it the same for Kyou or did the cat know a lot more than he gave off? He didn't know but he wanted to find out.

To Be Continued... 


	9. Shrink

A/N: I am SOOOO sorry that I've taken so long to update. All I can tell you is that I had a wedding to go to, several birthdays after that then I got a really bad back injury and had to be laid up for a long while.

So in order to speed things up to pace I'm going to be writing "Here I Am" in KYOU'S POV.

That's right, Kyou's POV. And the phobia that I write Kyou in having, I actually have, so don't laugh.

Here I Am

When someone asks you "When did you fall in love?" there never really is an answer. If there is, then you're not really "in love" you just think you are. Love is something gradual, you start wondering to yourself, "When did I start blushing?" or "How come I'm so jittery around him?" It's simple things that cause you to start questioning yourself. Why you try to distance yourself from them, how come you can't seem to get off the phone when they call, and why do you think of them when you look at small trinkets and knick-nacks at the store -things they like, stuff they dislike- even more so than things that perk your own interest. So why do they ask that question and expect a date for an answer?

My red eyes scanned the room once more, the simple bookshelf, couch and chair the same as the last time I came. I couldn't help but wonder if my family would laugh at me for doing this... for trying to seak help.

"Maybe... when I became a young teenager," my fingers played with each other as I studied them, my elbows resting on my knees.

"What do you remember of back then, before you became a teenager?" Her voice was always so calming, perhaps that was why I kept on coming to the psychiatrist. She was good at what she does, and because of her Doctor-Client Privilege she couldn't say anything about my curse when she accidentally bumped into me on our third session. She freaked out of course and I had ever right to run out of the office but I didn't. I didn't want Akito to know any of this; how I was trying to help myself piece together what sanity I have left, trying to remember things I've forgotten and most importantly, get help to calm my temper and find myself. I always feel so... suffocated and numb like I am choking to death on ice cubes. And in the end, Dr. Kimamura took my curse well and was much more careful around me since then.

"I remember..." I watched my fingers go white-knuckled with a numb distance, "I remember my mom committing suicide... I remember how my father hit me so hard I lost some teeth a day before the funeral."

"What about before that?"

I brought a hand up to my head and rubbed my forehead in thought, "I... remember... getting a picture taken."

"Of who?"

"My family and Hatsuharu's family. I recall it getting late, to late to go home so we rented a motel room to share. I slept on the floor with out a blanket... Haru woke me and let me sleep on the couch with him. He - held my hand the whole night and got in trouble in the morning. He cried and all I could do was look at him and wonder why he was allowed to when I couldn't shed a tear with out my mother going into emotional break downs and father would beat me saying he was giving me a reason to cry."

"Was that the first time Hatsuharu held your hand?"

"No."

"When was the first time it happened?"

How was I supposed to know that? Haru was clingy. He always had been and always will be.

"Don't know, but he was the first cousin out of my family that I had met, so I've known him for a long time."

"I see. And what about now?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do you hold hands now?"

I rubbed my hands over my face, I was getting tired again. The crawling feeling in my skin was telling me another storm was about to let loose some serious rain. I could use the sleep.

"No we don't hold hands."

"Why's that?"

"I just... don't want to. Besides, I usually have my hands too full to."

"So you admit that you'd like to."

I looked at her with slightly wide eyes, I never thought of that, "Well... yeah."

The black haired woman adjusted her glasses and wrote down notes in that large pad of yellow line paper that seemed to be glued to her crossed legs. A few minutes ticked away before she smiled that smile that I knew she didn't give to her other patients. She's already told me I remind her of her little brother. Thus why I sit on the opposite side of the room, I really don't need to get someone else attached to me Hatsuharu and Hoodoo were enough than I could handle. Thank god for Tohru, I can at least get her to babysit, crap, I mean "catsit" every once in a while. I really can't wait for Hoodoo to grow up to the point he can be left alone for longer than fifteen minutes.

"Well Mr. Sohma," Dr. Kimamura didn't even look up, "Today's session is over but I would like to tell you some things."

I stood up, happy to get out of the well cushioned chair. I was looking forward to the walk home, I needed the time alone and the exercise.

She looked up at me with all seriousness, "I believe you have a phobia of the palm of the hand."

"What?" I looked at her with a raised eyebrow. I was seriously paying her for this?

"Just let me explain -you make it so that people can't shake your hand, hold it, and I've noticed that when we first shook hands you wiped your fingers against your pants as if it clean them of some kind of grime. Now then, I'd like you to try something for me," she stood up and placed her note pad on her desk as she spoke, "I'd like you to try and take control, be the first one to offer your hand to someone and shake it with a firm grasp. Do this with everyone you know, even strangers on the street. Take control of that fear."

I frowned while shoving my hands in my pockets, my palms were starting to tingle and itch just thinking about doing what she wanted me to do. To get my mind off of it I said, "So what's the other thing?"

"Sorry?"

"You said 'there were some things' you wanted to talk about, what was the other thing?"

She smiled while opening the door for me to leave, "The last thing is that I think you should start talking to Hatsuharu about things that have happened in the past. Not only will it help you open up to each other but both of you can figure out how to make the past less painful and how to move on."

"Che, I could have told you that one."

"I know, but some times it's best to hear these things from an outside party."

I didn't say anything when I left. I just hurried out of the building and into the rain that was making the streets empty except for a few people. I didn't like the idea of reach out to people like that. It made me want to vomit just thinking about touching their hands. I pulled my left hand out of my pocket and slowed my pace down the sidewalk to a stop. Was it because of the abuse I suffered from when I was a child? Mom only took my hand when she was going to look and see if my bracelet was on tight enough. Father only hit me. Haru... got in trouble for holding my hand. Why do I wipe my hands after giving a friendly shake? That was easy enough to answer, because I don't like the idea of dirtying anyone up. By wiping my hands like I do it's as if I removed the deed just done.

I looked up at the gray sky. I didn't want to touch anyone, especially Haru. He was too special to be soiled by someone like me. Someone like me... yeah, as if anyone could get any more disgusting than what I am. I gave a sad smile and put my hand back in my pocket and continued to walk. At least I can take some comfort in that I'm matched in at least on department. God I'm so pathetic.

"Kyou?"

I paused to look for who had called my name.

"Hey, Kyou over here!"

The call was coming from across the street. The guy waved at me as I squinted, rain obscuring my vision. It was Yamato, he used to be in Haru's class until he moved to a different district. I waited as he looked both ways and then darted across the empty street. He was a fun guy that I would talk to alot when I wasn't with my usual company AKA Tohru, her weird ass friends, or my stranger than her friends cousins. Which didn't happen often so that would make him almost a god-send. I can only stand so much of them for such an amount of time before I snap.

"Hey, haven't seen you in a while. What's up?" I let him hold his umbrella over me when he reached my side.

"Nothing much at all," he blinked his blue eyes trying to remember who-knows-what. The guy had a horrible memory and led one of the strangest lives. "I have a pixie living in my backyard, my mother lost her job and is trying to make a living off of selling stuff off of the internet while trying to go into business in Grant Writing. My sister's now married to an asshole and they bring their little dogs over all the time, and I have to get an MRI for my back... so I guess you would say nothing out of the ordinary."

I just stared at him for a moment before a chuckle wiggled itself out of me. Knowing him, all of that was true, even the pixie part. He was creative but not much of a liar. I felt a little sorry for him because I knew he was terrified of little dogs from being attacked so much when he was a kid and I had the pleasure of meeting his sister once. I seriously wanted to kill her before she said anything, then I just wanted to maime her and send her to hell after she was done verbally tearing her little brother to pieces right in front of the school gate. Yamato was not one my best friends but she was one hell of a bitch. So her getting married to someone that he would call an 'asshole' was like having two of them.

"I'm sorry to hear that man. What brings you back to the area?"

"Just seeing the old sights," the blond grinned. His American half showing real well with that. "Oh, hey before I forget-" he pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. Jotted down an address and number and handed it to me, "New and improved info on where to find me. Let's go out for pizza and arcade games some time. I miss hanging out with people that have an IQ higher than a single digit."

"New school that bad?"

From the way he looked sick and shivered, I'd have to say yes.

"Look, I've got to go," I pocketed the paper. My thumb nervously running over the smooth parchment as I forced out my hand, trying not to shake. "I'll call you tomorrow okay?"

He shook my hand with a smile before he left. Alone once again I gave a heavy breath of relief, I didn't think it could have been that hard. But I did do it, now to think of it as training... 

-  
later that day --------------

So soft, so tiny and pale. My eye twitched at the sight of it. I could feel my skin crawl as I swallowed the hard lump in my throat. I need battle music for this, at least it would seem appropriate if I did have some. Damn, how could Tohru just stand there with that blank smile on her face? Doesn't she know how important this is? Of course she doesn't, she's Tohru! She only understands certain things and the complexity of a phobia is beyond her... or at least I think it is. Oh god, her hand is still right in front of me.

I quickly thrust my hand out and shook hers.

"You're getting so much better at this Kyou-kun," she practically sang it. It was only the third time I've shook her hand in four hours. "And you didn't throw up this time."

I twisted around and promptly emptied what little bile and mucus I had in my digestive system into the kitchen sink. While I washed my mouth out with water I couldn't help but think, I just can't handle this.

"A-ah! At least it was delayed this time," she amended her statement from before as she patted my back. At least my phobia only kicks in when I /see/ the person's hand, I can be grateful for that.

"Kyou?" Haru's voice came from the doorway of the kitchen. Damn, I forgot he was coming over to stay for spring break. I heard the rustle of paper bags before the feel of his hand was on my hair, stroking down to my back, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just-" and up came more stomach acid. Guess I wasn't finished.

"He's hard at training!" Tohru most likely had that look of sparkling amazement that she usually gets.

"Training? What kind of training are you doing that causes you to throw up!" Uh-oh, he's getting mad.

"Phobia training!" Thank god Tohru was there, or I would actually have to answer. Right now I wanted to drink some water, or die in the sink, which ever I could get first.

"Phobia... training?"

"HAI! He's training to battle an evil phobia that threatens to stand in his way and his dreams!"

She makes it sound so grand and some sort of Power Ranger knock off. How does she do that?

"Tohru- could you get us a hand towel please?"

I stopped breathing, crap, Haru was pissed off. I heard Tohru shuffle away quickly, she obviously doesn't know that she just left me alone with Black Haru.

To Be Continued...

Next Chapter will be just as long so that I can make things up to you guys. 


	10. To Be You

A/N: I'm totally guessing Kyou's mother's death date in this, so don't take it to value.

Here I Am

The sound of the water running was the only thing I could hear as I found myself turned around, hips pinned against the counter. I grabbed the edge of the sink as I glared into those silver eyes. Haru was pissed off before he even came in. What was wrong this time? It seemed that when ever he even /saw/ me after what had happened two weeks ago he was always Black.

That needs a little explanation.

-  
Two Weeks Ago -----

I had been summoned by Akito and got the usual hissy fit that the head of the clan likes to throw. I was demeaned and beaten. When I left the room I had a split lip and a spot on my forearm had to get stitches. Hatsuharu had been away with his parents at the time so Yuki had gone with me. It had confused me when he only patted me on the head in a gentle way as we walked down the long halls, I had torn off my sleeves to tie around my cut that nearly ran down from the back of my wrist to my elbow. Yuki helped hold the pressure as to help. At that moment I was confused, but I felt warm, like when Tohru would encourage me. I had always known I never truly hated Yuki, I've always kind of liked him. He would have been a great friend if circumstances were different, maybe we would have even been proud to call each other cousin. But that's not the case, so why dwell on it? So all I did was hide the small glow of warmth deep down inside like I did with all of my most secret treasures and thanked him silently through a mumble. Hatori did well with the stitches and medications, the ointment he prescribed hurt more than soothed but I only told myself that it was because it was good medicine, or some rot like that.

The next few days Yuki and Tohru had helped me with things, such as lifting and reaching for certain things. I would be lying if I said I felt comfortable with the help. I understood they meant well but I still felt like an invalid and snapped a few times.

It was about the time when I was walking home late at night from the corner store. I had to get a refill of my prescription at their 24 hour pharmacy. Hoodoo had been hot on my heels, the little bugger already half way up my calf in size and he wasn't even eight weeks old. The silver bell around his cow printed collar jingled, forever a remembrance of Haru coming over one day with a small present that he tried to get Hoodoo to open. I had received a chaste kiss on the lips that day, I still won't admit out loud that I liked it.

The kid had stopped and I heard him say something about something unpleasant coming our way. I told him to go on ahead but he only hid behind my leg and in the shadows -lurking like the feline he was. I heard the clack of high heeled boots before I smelled the perfume. The sent made my stomach lurch. I already knew who it was, no one else had that sickeningly sweet smell about them that mixed with a sour/tangy musk. Maybe other people found it sexy but to me it just smelled like swamp water and baking sugar pies.

"Hello Kyou," Rin smiled at me.

That didn't bode well, she never smiled, not even with Haru. I firmly placed my feet apart showing I was going no where, I adjusted the brown sack of mid-night goodies Tohru wanted me to pick up in my good arm. I frowned deeply when she eyed my bandaged arm a little too long.

"I heard Akito did a number on you... I thought you would be in the hospital after hearing that and I wanted to bring you flowers."

Damn that hoarse could lie.

She stepped closer, circling just a little, "But when I heard from Hatori-nii that you only needed a few stitches I couldn't help but feel relieved, yet confused. Then I started to think."

"Must have hurt yourself with that one," I snorted keeping my feet steady to match her step but also barring her from approaching the place Hoodoo was in. What could I say? I was over protective of the brat. "Maybe you should check yourself into a hospital before you end up passed out on the street again."

"Cute," she scoffed. "Look. We both know what's going on here. You want Haru, but you can't have him so you go to Akito who's too kinky for anyone else to take on in order to gain favor. So when the head of the clan says that Haru /has/ to be with you then he can't say anything but go with it. Why can't you just stop your foolish plan before anyone gets hurt?" she looked me up and down with a look of pity and disgust, "Well... anyone that's worth a yen that is."

"At least my alleged plan would exclude two people from harm's way." I was surprised that she actually understood my come-back.

She snarled and stormed towards me, her hand snapping across my cheek with a thick slap. She had reopened my scabbed lip with an angry hiss. Rin grabbed a hold of my injured arm, her painted nails digging into the wound as she held up her long slender fingers up for me to see the small spatter of my own blood upon them. An eye twitched as my teeth gritted; the feeling of my stitches pulling through healing flesh was making my sight blur from the pain.

"Look at this you /beast!" The hoarse dug her nails in deeper ignoring the fact that when she moved her fingers my blood started to run down her wrist and mine to drip on the cement below. "You're blood is filth just like you. Haru only takes pity on you because you've bitched the longest. He's got the kindest heart anyone can fathom and you're taking advantage of that, so you /better/ leave him alone before I find out that you've managed to taint him with the disgusting rot that Tohru-chan calls your 'love'."

"Fuck off!" I wanted to hit her so badly right then, for everything she was saying, for everything she was implying. But I knew I couldn't, she was a girl, she had a much frailer body than my own. If I hit her, if I struck her down then... Crap, not good, images of finding my mother dead, flies coming to her body in the summer heat...

Hoodoo was what saved me right then. He came flying out of the shadows, his claws digging into the exposed flesh of Rin's arm as he dug into her shoulder using his massive weight to tear into her. He didn't hurt her much, she wouldn't need stitches just lots of band aids. I don't recall much of what had happened next, only that she tried to step on Hoodoo with her stiletto heels and I head butted her right under the chin on instinct. I know I wasn't one for fighting girls but she was trying to kill my kid. MY KID! Hoodoo was MINE! What happened next was more of a "cat-fight" than I had intended. Maybe it was my overly medicated state of mind, all the pain killers that Hatori had given me finally messing with my brain. Or perhaps it was the fact that I got used too Hoodoo calling me "mommy" that I started to kind of feel like I am his parent, or whatever but it ended up with us on the ground and really going at it. She finally backed up when I had to spit out some of her hair and she ran off. The first thing I did was find Hoodoo who was scared from how his "mommy" had reacted during the fight. I pulled him into my lap and curled around him, stroking his fur making mental notations that he wasn't hurt, just startled.

I had to go back to the corner store where the counter man helped me call Hatori. It was just my luck that Haru had walked into the store by chance. When he looked at me he had instantly turned Black, he nearly killed the clerk trying to get information on what had happened. I had to quickly spill the whole story as fast as I could before Haru could do anything to the guy who was only trying to help administer first aid.

-  
back to now -----------

Ever since then Haru had been WAY over protective. But then again, I... kind of liked it. 

I let Black lean down and rest his lips against my own. I was used to the chaste kisses and I was slowly gaining the courage to make one of my own some day. When he pulled back I could see in his eyes that he was worried.

"You going to be okay?" his breath whispered over my lips.

"Dim-wit," I reached forward and threaded my thumb through the belt loop of the side of his pants; a small gesture of affection that I could muster. "You know the answer to that, but to humor you I'll say it: I'm working on it so that everything /will/ be okay."

"Good," he nodded, bringing a hand up to run down the back of my head, fingers linger at the base of my skull. He kissed me again, this time on the temple earning my ever so classic grunt that seemed to just /come with/ the simple action. He smiled, it was odd to see Black Haru's eyes with White Haru's smile, but I liked it... it was... It was a smile just for me. This was a side of Haru I /knew/ no one else got to see. I loved it, but I wouldn't admit it out loud. So instead I took a hesitant moment before I quickly gave him a kiss on the side of his nose and promptly buried my face into his shoulder, my face burning hot. I felt him bring his arms around me and hold me close with a loose hug. He knew I appreciated it how he gave me the space I was used to and the closeness that I needed.

After a moment he pulled me away and gave me another stroke down the back of my head before going to the sack of groceries that he had brought with him. "So..."

"So?" I kind of missed having my thumb in his belt loop. Why? I have no idea.

"So, I was thinking... maybe... we can... you know."

"No."

"Oooh, come on," he turned around from the items he was setting out, he was getting quiet familiar with the kitchen by now. "I promise I'll be gentle."

"You're not going to penetrate," I stated as Yuki passed by. From the look I got from him it was apparent that people out side the conversation wouldn't understand what we were talking about.

"Hello Yuki," Haru smiled, starting to revert back to white. "Will you be joining us?"

"Uh," the rat cleverly stated. "I think... I'll pass."

"Really? But I'll need your help, I'm not all that experienced."

A red flush washed over Yuki's face, I laughed at that. He was totally lost and by the way he was glaring at me spoke so many volumes. I decided that I should fill him in before Shigure starts to hear any of this. "He's trying to get past my defenses and get me to pitch in to by a PS3. He figures the more who pitch in the faster we can afford the damn thing."

"Right!" Haru grinned gleefully at the confused rat, "And I want to order it on line and I've heard from Shigure-nii that you order stuff online all the time."

We got a silent, "oh" before, "I'd have to think about it." And he quickly shuffled away trying to find Tohru.

"Think that's a no?"

"I think we should think more about the future before we commit to anything."

Shigure screeched to a halt when he was prancing past to most likely catch his rat or a cousin, no pun intended, for most likely teasing purposes. I decided to shut up when the dog's face nearly split in half with a sly grin. I silently wondered why I could never have a normal conversation with Haru, something always has to happen.

Needless to say I turned in early that day. I only woke up to let Haru climb in under the covers with me and when Hoodoo came running in half soaking wet from the storm going on outside.

The next day I woke to an eerie feeling. I slowly opened my eyes to find Black Haru on his hands and knees, hovering over me. I looked around a little trying to depict if this was a messed up dream or not, no, it wasn't. It would figure.

"Haru, what are you-"

"Shh," he placed his finger to his lips before ducking his head down, his forehead resting against my own. "You were having fits in your sleep." He took in a deep breath, moving his face to the crook of my neck, "I'm glad I was finally able to wake you…. What were you dreaming?"

"I-….. What kind of dream was it?" I blinked up to the ceiling, it felt like I was forgetting something important.

"You're awake now," he lowered his bottom half over my own in a sitting crouch, his face still buried in my neck. "No more bad dreams for my kitty-cat."

What dream… I felt weird. "Haru?"

"Nnn?" He pulled up to look at me.

"What's today's date?"

"March twenty-ninth, why?"

I couldn't look him in the eye. I placed my hands on his clothed chest and pushed him off with little prompting. I got up and went to my closet, opening it with a stated, "I have to go somewhere today."

"Can I come?"

My body stiffened. I didn't want him there. I dealt with pain better alone, if no one else was there, if no one was around to make a sound stronger than the whisper of a ghost, then I could do it. If he did come… I looked over my shoulder to him, he sat upon the covers in his soft black pajama pants and comfortable white t-shirt. I smiled sadly and shook my head. He had opened his mouth to say something, I knew he wanted to ask why. He wanted to insist that he went but he closed his lips and only nodded when I pulled out some funeral garbs. I hadn't worn the black kimono before, Shihan had purchased it for me a while back, anticipating my size for the date of when I would go back to see my mother in her grave. I had made a promise to visit the spring before… I would get locked away. I looked at the thick fabric, my eye lids heavy from having little energy, the storm was still going on outside.

I shrugged off my open, button up shirt that I had fallen asleep in. I couldn't feel Haru's eyes on me, he was always kind enough not to stare while one was dressing. But if he had, then he would have been most likely tracing the scars on my back. They were not big but they were there, faded and old from times I had fallen down big rock covered ditches in the mountains as a child or from accidents and even a few beatings from my real father.

I slipped on the kimono and tied my obi around my waist. I found the geta in the closet and slipped my toes through the sandal straps. I turned around to find the ox with a sad look on his face. I walked over to him, hands tucked into my open sleeves.

"What are you thinking about?" Though it sounded sentimental I didn't mean it that way, I was only curious; my mind already set in a numb state in preparation of the visitation.

"Back then…" he reached out and took a hold of my waist, resting the crown of his head against my belly as he spoke in a tired voice. "I couldn't comfort you. I wasn't allowed to leave the house until you had moved away."

The numbness was fading into hurt. I moved my hands to his shoulders that quivered under my touch. Was he crying? Why would he be? I don't… understand, did my pain really hurt him that much?

"Did… you…" I quieted down not sure what I wanted to say, so I just let it out. "Did you want to come with Shihan?"

He felt Haru push his head against my stomach as if to say no. I let a hand wander to his head and stroke to soft hair it found, gently pulling out knots from its unbrushed state. We remained like that for several minutes, him seeking comfort from me. I was bewildered why someone would want to do such a thing but it was nice… nice to be wanted in such a way.

"Haru, I need to go… but," I laced my fingers through his hair one more time resting in mid-stroke. "if you would like to come with Shihan, just give him a call and… and we can show mother that what she did wasn't worth it."

"No."

That kind of stung but I managed out a smile, "Then I'll see you later today."

I untangled myself and headed for the door to my room. My arm was grabbed; my eyes locked onto a gray gaze that glimmered with so many emotions.

"I meant, 'no I won't go with Shihan, I'm going with you.'" Haru pulled me towards him with a quick jerk, my shoulder collided with his, our chests pressed together. His hand slid down my arm to lace his fingers with mine, his other pressing against my back, "Because I'm going to show her that what she did was wrong and that you /are/ worth loving through out life. That you /aren't/ a monster and that /caring/ for you is the closest to heaven anyone could be."

"Shut the hell up," I grunted. I was no girl and I was /NOT/ going to be treated like one, "If you need a woman to spout your silk and cheese lines to go find Tohru. I'm sure she'd have a ball with them."

Haru's face split into a grin, "There's the Kyou I love. How have you been?"

" What?"

He let me go and started to look around for his school uniform, it was the closest thing to funeral wear he had available to him at the moment. He quickly changed as he explained, "I know you're mother died in the summer, June 19th. And I know just the thought of her messes with you, but I don't think you should be going to her with your head bowed like a beaten puppy to show her how wrong she was of you. You need," he pulled on his jacket and yanked me off the balance of my geta. I opened my mouth to make a 'whoa' sound but he cut me off by slipping his tongue into my mouth. It was our first deep kiss and all I could do was open my eyes to the size of an owl's. This was the first time I've felt a tongue upon my own. I let him suck my tongue into his mouth for a tiny taste before he pulled away. That couldn't even qualify as a kiss if you asked me, but… there it was. His eyes were half lidded as he finished in sentence, "to be /you/."

To Be Continued... 


	11. Graveyard Visit

Here I Am

Haru's half lidded look in the light of the parting clouds would be what you would classify as sexy, or at least I think you would. What I did next I'll blame on the shock. I had pulled him close to me, our bodies pressing together tightly, my leg slipping out of the slit from the front of my kimono and in between his legs. He made an odd grunt from the action and his hands hesitated as I wrapped one arm around his torso and the other behind his neck. I plunged our lips together, I wanted more of that. I wanted more of the feeling of being loved, truly loved. I needed his taste and feel his heart beat against my own. I needed... Haru. When his hands did move, they slid down my back onto my bottom and he pressed us together father. Our Kiss broke and before I could even get my first thought he was kissing my neck, his tongue lapping, teeth grazing...

I don't know how we got onto my bed, nor how we became naked. Who removed who's clothes, wasn't important, what was was that he was telling me that he loved me as he showed me... and finally I was able to say it back.

-  
later that day -------

"Uugh," I moaned with discomfort as I was slumped over Haru's back. After all the pleasure there is nothing but pain as I have discovered. Damn, would it always hurt like this? Do women have to deal with this? God, I'm glad I'm not a girl, I don't think I could handle the head of a baby going through that area and live through it. Poor girls. I'll have to remember to be extra nice to Tohru when she's going to have kids, I might even be nice to the Yankee.

"You sure you're okay?" Haru paused on the street corner, his hands carefully holding up my body as he gave me a piggy back ride to the cemetery that we were supposed to go to.

"I'm fine, just don't strut so much."

"You know you could have said 'be gentle' and I wouldn't have..." his face turned pink as mine flared red hot.

"I'm not a girl! Besides," my hands grabbed onto his jacket as to not fall back as I spoke to him, "next time you're going to know how it feels."

"Ha! No way."

"Scared because I'm bigger than you are?" I whispered into his ear and licked the back of it.

"Do that again and I'll have no choice but to take you out in public."

"After what we just did, I'd have to question your definition of 'take you out'."

The light finally turned and Haru crossed the street as I directed him where to go. Our talk a playful banter all the way there. When we go to the entrance he let me down off of his back but I still had to grab onto his jacket in order not to tip over. I rubbed my rump with my hand trying to dispel the discomfort before walking through the large wooden gates. As we passed by head stone after head stone Haru asked, "How come you know where this place is when you've never been here before?"

"My father made me recite where she was buried and what plot she was in for a month after she died."

Haru took a hold of my hand, the way he squeezed it was enough for me to know that he still regretted not being able to be with me when I needed him most. I just kept going until we found where she was. The light spray of rain with sunlight lit up the whole area she was at. He gave me a kiss on the temple and I grunted as usual. He let go of my hand and pushed me forward, willing to give me room while I gave my mother our first visit since she had killed herself.

I crouched down in front of the headstone, burn incense and fresh flower petals washing away in the rain. Shihan had already been there, even though he disliked the woman he was never one to disrespect the dead. I on the other hand brought no incense, I had no intention of honoring the woman's memory. The woman who ran away from her son blaming her weakness on him. She could have just let me run around and play with other children, but she horded me from the eyes of the world terrified of what they would think of her since she had given birth to a monster. She was selfish, everything had to be her way or you would be struck. She only cried when I was beaten by my father just because I spoke to the older man. She screamed and yelled when I was seen outside even in our own back yard. She filled my head full of lies on how special I was and how much she loved me. And as the sky grew back into the dark storm that it started off as, I was finally able to say what was deep with in my heart, chaining me to a past of pain and regret.

"I hate you."

My fist came forward and stuck at the stone, not hard enough to harm myself beyond bruising. My body shook as I glared at the name written in stone. "You were a bitch! You ran off because you couldn't get what you wanted!! You made me hate Yuki because you were rivals where his mother and always compared me to him! You were BENT on me hating him when he did NOTHING! You made sure I thought like the spiteful beast you were! I hate you, I HATE YOU! I'M GLAD YOU'RE DEAD!!"

Warm arms wrapped around me, Haru's cheek resting against my shoulder as I took deep breaths. The misty rain turning into cold drops that matted our hair and clothes together. I cupped my hand around his shaking fist that he held against my heart. I closed my eyes and continued to speak, my voice cracking in a low tone, "But even though I hate you, I have to thank you... because of you I was able to be born. Because you tortured me you brought me to Haru's eyes... because you killed yourself and ran off I had hard times... but because of that... because of that I as able to meet Tohru, be with Haru, save Hoodoo... Thanks... mom." and for the fist time in my life I actually called her 'mom'.

Then, we got up and went home, though half the way I needed a piggy-back ride. Tomorrow... I need to tell everyone about where I will be going come next month.

-------------------

"What is it?" Yuki sighed looking tired from Shigure getting in the way of his tutoring of Tohru in math. The two of us were rather faced off in the upper hallway.

It was a new day, Haru was fast asleep in my room, Shigure was sleeping in and Tohru was at her friend's places. And even though I had developed my own distaste of the rat I've decided to let that go.

"You... want to get some breakfast?"

He eyed me oddly before I managed a surrendered smile, "I need to talk to you about something."

Confused, I'm sure, he nodded. I stuffed my hands in my coat pockets as I waited for him to get on his shoes. I was shaking, I honestly had no idea on to how he would take all of the news I was about to give him over a simple meal out in public, but I figured, when there are seeing eyes he would most likely take it all in and be quiet and not run or have some sort of out burst.

When we were leaving Yuki asked me, "Why are you limping?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Just something that I'll have to repay the favor for."

To Be Continued... 


	12. A Small Hope

Here I Am

"You..." I took a deep breath. This wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. I thought that I could just out and say it and that would be that. I would just spill the words right out of my lips but the choked in my throat and the more I tried to say them the harder it was for me to face the reality that I was afraid. Afraid that I would be pushing him farther away, afraid of ruining what little amount of a family that I had. Yuki was a bastard yes, but he had his good sides, he really was like my brother, or... at least that's what it felt like. And when I told him, when I can finally get it out into the open Tohru would find out and her fragile world would be broken. And Haru... how was I supposed to tell Haru all of this, ruin his happiness by telling him that we have a limited time together. He's already had enough pain and if I... I don't want him trying to fill that emptiness with lies like he did with Rin. God, what if he still loved her? That was when I felt the shock sink in.

"Kyou?" Yuki's voice was soft in the coffee shop. We purposefully sat away from all the bustle and people in the far corner next to the window. He looked at me with concern, something he's been doing for a while now that I haven't been picking fights with him.

I swallowed hard. I couldn't think about Rin right now, I needed... to talk to Yuki, the subject of Rin could be addressed with Haru. With... My eyes stung. I could feel my lip tremble as I got up from my seat.

"Sorry, I need some air," I mumbled heading out of the shop.

"Hey! W-wait up!"

I barely heard him when I had left, I just needed to be alone and think. I turned the corner to the back alley when my hand was caught. I didn't look back, I knew that touch, it was Yuki. 

"Damn it dumbass! I said wait up!"

"God you're annoying when you're resistant!" I shouted back, my defenses kicking in.

"You're the one who asked me to come out here! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"I'm telling you to leave me alone!"

"NO! You're the one who's hurting all the time! You're the one who needs help but you never accept it no matter how much anyone tries! Then you call me out here to just run off! Tell me what the hell is going on!!"

God, everything felt so heavy at that moment. Yuki's never been so direct before, but in his language the words that usually confuse me and send me into a reeling temper tantrum, I knew what he was saying. He meant he wanted to know how to help. We've been getting closer and closer since him and Tohru got together as a couple. I can't...

He still had a hold of my arm. With my free hand I covered my face while bowing my head, all this stress was causing a head ache.

"I... just don't care anymore."

Was it a lie? I don't know, I'm confused.

"What?" He breathed, his palm sliding over mine as I explained, fingers feathering my own in confused wounder.

"I never wanted to hate you. My mother was always a rival of your mother, she hated me because I was the cat and not the rat. I never... wanted to fight you. I... Yuki I'm tired, just tired of fighting, of being afraid all the time... I'm going to be locked away soon as school lets out for summer break and I don't know if I should laugh or cry about my freedom being stolen. God, I'm pathetic, laughing and crying... it's all the same I don't know how to do either so I mimic other people... And I tried to do what people wanted, I tried to get them to hate me so that when I get locked away no one would miss me. I also tired to learn martial arts so I could defeat you and earn my freedom, so I wouldn't be a prisoner. But... But I couldn't bring myself to hurt you. I never..."

A memory of my mother raising her hand. Screaming that I wasn't as good as the rat, her hand stricking against my young face while she held my hands so I couldn't struggle away. She screamed so much, and when my eyes were nearly swollen shut and my face was bleeding she would break down and cry asking why I let her do it to me. I would stroke her hair as she cried on the floor clinging onto my little body. The answer was always the same. I let her hit me, because it was my sin for being born the cat.

"I never wanted to raise my hand to anyone. I never wanted to hurt anyone."

"Kyou..." Yuki pulled me closer, my shoulders being wrapped with warmth I never knew. His mousey soft hair rested against my cheek as he hugged me from behind. Then he whispered things that started to sooth my anxiety back to my normal self. He said, "You've been hurting all this time... Hiding it away trying to play the dumb punk while you let your heart bleed out... protecting others all this time. You're... amazingly gentle... aren't you?"

He pulled away, but held my wrist to his chest, "Maybe we can do something-"

"It's okay."

"What?"

I took my hand away from him, "I said... it's okay. The family... needs this. So it's okay."

"It's not okay!"

We both looked up to find Tohru standing in the mouth of the alley. We would find out later that she saw us passing through the market on her way home and she followed to hang out with the both of us.

"Toh...ru..."

God damn it! I wanted to be able to break it to her gently not have her over hear it while I'm in a depression funky! Why did life always have to be so cruel? Damn it, and she's crying.

She came running up grabbing up the hand that I had just gotten back from the rat. "There has to be something we can do!" she shouted.

"Tohru... it's okay, really." I tried to reason.

"But that's so lonely."

Lonely? Was it really? I never... thought of it that way. I was so used to being ostracized that it never occurred to me if I was lonely or not.

"I don't understand what's going on, I mean I'm not a Sohma and know all the rules but that's not right. You can't be taken away from us, we're your family now; Shigure-san, Sohma-kun, Hatsuharu-san, Hoodoo-san, me. We're your family now, don't we get a say in any of this?"

Yuki placed a hand around his girlfriend's shoulders, giving a gentle squeeze, he placed his hand around hers that held tightly around my wrist. "Honda-san," he hushed her tiny sobs. "Maybe... we can talk with Shigure-san and Hatori-san."

"Y-yes!" she brightened up, "I'm sure we can come up with a plan Kyou-kun."

I looked away. I hated seeing false hope, "Y-yeah."

"Kyou..." Yuki managed to get his girlfriend to let go of my hand, "Why don't... we go back inside to eat breakfast?"

"You go ahead... I'll be in in a moment."

Yuki nodded and pulled Tohru with him. It felt a bit awkward not having Yuki snap at me, but... comforting in the same. And now it seemed that he was bent just as much as Tohru is on saving me. Don't they know? You can't save the damned. I gave a sigh and looked up at the sky. But... only mother truly called me that. So... maybe, it was time to step out of her lies and see if... hope can happen for someone like me. And maybe... when I tell Haru it won't be so bad. I can't always doubt. Rin can't... still be in his heart, or at least, I hope she isn't.

To Be Continued... 


	13. HereSay

Note: As a Christmas Present to all of my readers I am doing a massive update. Which equals DUN DUN DUUUU! The end of Here I Am. Please keep an eye out for future Fruits Basket stories loaded with more Hatsuharu and Kyou goodness! So here are two chapters right now; 13 and 14.

Merry Christmas!

Third person POV, THIRD PERSON POV Here I Am

Sitting at the small cafe table in the coffee shop was rather nice. Tohru and Yuki exchanged ideas of what they could possibly do in order to help Kyou. Their plans became back up plans and back up plans became fall backs and so on and so forth. They were happy, the look upon their faces something that Kyou ended up filing back into his memory. He picked at the small short stack of pancakes he had ordered as the other's completely ignored their food only taking a drink of water or juice when their throat was had became dry. He still loved Tohru, but now that love had transformed into something akin of an affinity for. He still cared very deeply for her, but if she had came to him now and confessed her love for him he would have to turn her down. He wanted to be with Haru, the ox may be slow, a little dimwitted, and directionally challenged but Kyou had always found those to be more of charm points than faults. And now that he had shared himself with his love he had a taste for bovine and it could only be one ox that would satisfy his cravings.

When the two chatter boxes believed they had come up with enough options to run by Hatori and Shigure the small party started to leave. The lively brunet excused herself to the lady's room as Kyou paid the check.

"I'm gonna go ahead and head out, I need to pick something up from the store," Kyou waved his hand to Yuki as he left.

"Don't forget to get a refill of medication," Yuki shouted back. Giving a small smile, he briefly wondered if this was what it felt like to have a brother. To actually care for someone on that level and interact in that way that friends and lovers could not. Siblings... fought, they struggled but most the time they stayed together. His smile grew soft, maybe he could stop by Ayame's shop today.

Soon as Kyou was outside on the sidewalk he felt a lot better. His freak out before was understandable. He only had about a month and a half now before everything that was his world would be turned into a caged cell quarantined from everything that was warm and comforting. Now that planning of escape in all possible ways was being taken care of by a different party he had to think of a fall back plan. If he couldn't get out of this then he was NOT going to just roll over and take this. He was going to make sure that Akito would regret locking him up, and even though he was sure it would be a complete personality change; he knew exactly what he was going to do. Hey, if you were going to get revenge on someone for screwing up everyone you know and love and then take away your freedom, you might as well have fun while doing it... Right?

"There it is."

He froze. That voice. He hadn't heard that voice in years. His pulse quickened, breath coming in short as his vision filled with the sight of the brown haired man. Those eyes of utter disgust and loathing narrowed upon him, it would make anyone feel Closter phobic in a wide open field.

"Freak," the man hissed closing the distance between the two of them; shifting through people who walked up and down the sidewalk.

"D-dad."

"Don't call me that!" he shouted, earning murmurs and people to quickly shuffle away from the outburst. "Is it counting the days until it gets locked away? Is it enjoying what little freedom it will get?"

"I'm not an 'it'!" Kyou growled out, "Stop calling me that 'Dad'."

"Why doesn't it just go and get locked up right now?! The little fucking monster took its mother's life after all. Why Akito-sama even agreed to letting it run around outside is beyond me."

Kyou's biological father grabbed his wrist, squeezing hard enough to bruise.

The redhead pulled back, the man not letting go causing them to come closer as a result. Red eyes glared as lips snarled, "I didn't fucking kill that bitch. And maybe Akito isn't as fucked in the head as you are, asshole."

A fist came flying to his face, Kyou grabbed the knuckles stopping the punch from connecting. That was it, he was DONE with self pity over this crap. Sure he had a lot to regret. He regretted not being able to protect Hatsuharu when they were children, he regretted not being able to return Kagura's affection, he felt like shit almost all the time because he couldn't amend the past where he started to throw hate at Yuki when the rat didn't deserve it. He always lashed out at Momiji and Shigure, he never got to really know Ayame or that damn clumsy, suicidal monkey. But he was as sure the hell NOT sorry for everything else, and this was just the motivation he needed to spit in the Sohma family's face and declare to them that he was NOT a monster, that he was a person and that they needed to shove their fucked up hatred up their ass and be gorilla fucked.

"Disgusting little freak," he squeezed harder on Kyou's wrist, the teen could feel it pop slightly under the onslaught of pressure. He was sure it was already bruising. "I heard what it's been doing with little Haru."

"What?" Rin must have been spreading rumors. "Forget it, I don't want to know what kind of twisted thoughts you have running through that rotten melon you call a head."

"Don't fucking kill him with that stench," the man spat on Kyou's face before letting of his wrist and storming off. Garnet eyes glared at his retreating figure, sleeve raising up to wipe away at the saliva that ran down his cheek. That prick. He just had to bring up his other form. That disgusting man that had gave him life, if Kyou hated anyone more than his own mother and Rin, it was that bastard. He was spoiled like molded bread through and through.

"FUCK YOU!" Kyou shouted before stuffing his hands into his pockets and stormed off in the direction of the pharmacy and store. Now he was in a very sour mood. Why did his days always end up like that? He would have a good time and then it would turn bad, or it would be bad all the way through. Why couldn't he just have a good day, a normal good day that everyone else seemed to be take for granted?

-------

When he got home, the walk did not calm him. He wanted to put his fist through a wall or better yet in a certain person's face. But he was sure he would get arrested if he threw a punch at his father. That guy always loved blowing things out of proportion when it came to getting into trouble. Trouble, he was always in trouble with that horrible man. No matter what he did, said, felt, it was all the same. He was a curse, nothing else.

"Ah, Kyou," Hatsuharu caught sight of the cat storming upstairs from his place next to the TV. He frowned when his only reply were pounding feet upon the stairs and a door slamming shut so hard that the wood in the house frame groaned. That... was not a reaction he liked to see. With a deep frown he got to his feet, ascending the stairs he could hear his kitten cursing. He ran to the door and threw it open when he heard the sound of glass breaking.

"Kyou!"

The cat was panting through his anger, the hole in his window and the missing chair at his desk was evidence of what had just happened. Gray eyes saw the purple hand sized bruise on Kyou's wrist.

"What the hell happened?!" He nearly bellowed slamming the door behind him, "You were gone for several hours and come home with a foul temper and bruised wrist." He came up to the cat who's hair was puffed up. Kyou allowed him to take his hand. Haru was gentle in turning it this way and that, getting a good look, "Fuck Kyou, what happened?"

"Apparently I was whoring myself out in order to your affection and because of that I might kill you with my other form," was the growled reply, Kyou yanking his hand away from Hatsuharu who in turn grabbed him by the shoulders and whirled him around to face him.

Those eyes, Black was pissed, "Who the FUCK told you that?"

Kyou was silent, glaring to the side.

"Tell me now."

"Why the fu-" his mouth was suddenly covered with Black Haru's, shutting him up.

When they broke Black was still angry, "Don't even ask a retarded question like that. Just tell me."

"My dad."

"What?"

"The asshole that I got half of my genes from. And don't even think about going after him. You know how he gets and I don't want to visit you in jail. Happy now?!"

"No," Black took a hold of Kyou's hand again, pulling it up for the redhead to get a good look at the nasty bruise. "How can I be happy when you come home like this?" The ox closed his eyes, kissing the bruise gently before giving it a tiny lick.

The cat moved to kiss his lover, his good hand slipping into Haru's shirt. He needed to work out some of his anger with something that was more positive, and he did have a score to settle.

To Be Continued... 


	14. Is it time for a date?

Third person POV, THIRD PERSON POV

Here I Am

Intoxicating eyes fluttered open only half way, the only light flowing into the room from the bright stars of the new moon night. Haru scrapped his nails down Kyou's side with a feather like touch, he wanted to kiss the cat again, drink his essence and take that body that was perfect in more ways than one. But that would mean that he would close his eyes as pleasure would wash over him and at the moment he wanted nothing more than to watch that body breath, those eyes gaze lazily back at him. His hand slipped down Kyou's back when the feline adjusted himself in favor to lick a trail from Haru's bicep up to his shoulder. His leg slipped between his lover's pressing in just the right way to get a gasp before rolling them so that tan thighs startled a pale waist. And if it wasn't for the sadness in those lovely eyes, the ox would have been highly aroused.

"Kyou?" He reached up to caress a cheek.

The redhead leaned into the touch, kissing the palm that made his heart flutter with each tender touch it would give. "Haru," he whispered, leaning down so that his breath ghosted over the cheek he loved to kiss the most.

"What's wrong?"

Kyou knew that this was going to be stupid to ask, but he had to hear the answer, had to reaffirm it deep in his heart. He pulled back as to rest his weight on his hands that he placed on either side of Haru's head. How was he supposed to word this right? No matter how much he could think about it, it would seem that he could not come up with an answer. The only solution was to open his mouth and let the words come out.

"When I leave... You can't be with Rin."

Gray eyes narrowed in confusion, "What?"

"I..." His bottom lip started to quiver, the memory of Haru in the same bed as that bitch of a Horse right behind his eyelids. "I wouldn't be... able to handle it."

"Why would I go to be with Rin?" Haru frowned, he hated it when his kitten was upset. It angered him and stirred Black, each and every time. Time and time again he had seen everyone in his family become upset; cry, throw fits, shriek, and wail. It never bothered him as badly nor as quickly as seeing even the slightest of pained looks on Kyou.

He sat up, their bare chests pressing together as Kyou backed up a little so that he was sitting on his lap. "You're starting to sound like you're expecting something to happen."

"I just need you to know that when I leave if I hear anything about you and Rin being together I'd die."

"Are you threatening me?"

Kyou felt his chest tighten, "I'm saying I'd rather fucking kill myself than let you go!" He then pressed forward catching Haru in a kiss that he dominated. When he broke the kiss a small bit of saliva clung to the corner of his mouth, his eyes were hard as he held his chest while panting. Obviously Haru found it to be quite the turn on because he could feel the harness come to life underneath him. But thankfully before they did anything Haru wanted some answers himself.

"I'm not going anywhere. Why are you talking as if one of us will disappear?" Then his breath caught in his chest. That was right, Kyou was the cat. How could he have forgotten that? Each and every cat had been locked away in the past. The only question now was, "How... How much time is left?"

The redhead gave a small smile, running his hand through Haru's duel colored hair, "And people say you're slow. I didn't even have to tell you..." Kyou traced the ox's face with his eyes, memorizing everything as much as possible before he slowly answered, "Until graduation."

Haru pulled Kyou into a tight embrace. Too soon, it was much too soon.

----------------

The next day was hard on everyone. Everyone had gathered around in the living room, Shigure, Hatori and even Ayame were present as different plans were given only to find holes that would lead to the ultimate folly. Kyou wasn't there though. He was currently on the roof, eyes drowsy. The sun gave everything just the right temperature and Hoodoo was currently curled up on his belly purring so hard that it vibrated the redhead's belly. The only person he had not told his fate to was Hoodoo now and with the weather so perfect and the kid in such a lethargic mood, he decided he should go ahead and tell him.

"Hey, Hoodoo," he bounced his hips in order to get the large cat to roll off of his back and onto his black furry belly.

"No this has nothing to do with getting brothers and sisters," He rolled his eyes. God that kid was persistent. Just once they passed by a pet store and ever since then he was bent on having anything that he could even remotely call a sibling.

"Don't give me that look, you know perfectly well I can't give birth, I'm a guy! Don't get smart on me!"

Hoodoo finally decided to shut up and asked what was bothering his mother. Kyou had to take a calming breath. Damn it, Hoodoo really was Haru's kid, he was the most annoying and lovable thing around.

"Look brat, you're in a short while I'm going to be gone. You're gonna have to take care of your dad because he gets lost a lot, and he'll get very lonely so you'll need to try and cheer him up." He paused as Hoodoo spoke back, the kid already knew they weren't going to be together forever. A sense that all animals have when it comes to someone they care about. Kyou stroked lovely fur, closing his eyes when Hoodoo agreed to taking care of Haru. The black feline was strong, he was taking all of this the best out of everyone. Kyou gave a smile pulling Hoodoo up to lay next to his head. He gave the kid a kiss on the top of the head with a whispered, "That's my boy."

Now that everyone knew, it was time to just lay back and let things happen. Which reminded him of something he wanted to do.

There was the sound of the latter slapping against the roof shingles. Haru's white and black mop of hair came into sight before gray eyes peered up. The ox crawled up, careful not to loose his balance as he approached his lover. Kyou continued to lay there as Haru finally got to his side and sat down.

"What have you guys come up with?"

Hatsuharu licked his lips as he ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't feeling to peppy, and there was no wonder why. "Um..." His breathing was shuddering as he tried to think of the words to use."

"Nothing? That wouldn't surprise me."

"Actually, we have two, more like they have one and I have two."

"Oh?"

"They figured that if they get everyone to face Akito all together then he would have little to no choice then to consider our pleas."

"Haru?"

"Yeah?"

Kyou sat up and suddenly gave a smile so beautiful and soft with a grin that made Haru's breath stop. That smile, he'd only seen it once before, it was right after they had finished making love for the first time. It was that look of pure love that wrapped Haru's heart like a blanket of security. Nothing bad could ever happen when that smile came upon the cat's face.

"Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Gray eyes widened as a mouth became slack jawed. Had he heard him right?

To Be Continued... 


	15. Happy Family

Here I Am

The sky was blue, the sun was warm and Kyou was willingly holding his hand out in public. They had gone to the park and he had bought his kitty-cat an ice-cream. Kyou was a chatter box and forgot to eat his ice-cream until it was dripping down his knuckles. Haru, not one to let a good chance to escape, liked the sweet treat from fingers. He gave a small startled sound with the vanilla and chocolate swirl was splattered against his cheek followed by a warm tongue lapping it up. Liking the game he played along until there were people staring at them, a few with flushed faces and one lady with a nose bleed.

To get clean they had stopped by an indoors water park where they bought some swimming suits (only because they did not bring their own) and played in the water. The ox had a lot of fun throwing Kyou into the water and enjoyed the way that the cat would flail and scramble around trying to get out of the water but at the same time trying to enjoy himself at the same time. They had ended up engaging in several games with people that involved Kyou being on Haru's shoulders or them being tied together for some race or an other. Finally when the sun started to set they parted from the place. About that time it was late enough to go see a movie in which they casually argued over what to see, mostly Kyou not wanting to be in some teeny-bopper filled theater, so they settled for a family film that little kids would like more than teenagers. Despite the film being made for children they still enjoyed the story line and Haru had a little to much fun with pop-corn.

They went to a dinner after that, some family place like Denny's and got a seat in the very back where no one cared to go.

Kyou pulled a carnal of pop-corn from his hair, "Remind me to ban you from pop-corn."

"Aa, but you have to admit it was fun."

A smirk covered the cat's face as he leaned across the table, "I don't have to admit to anything."

"That would be hurtful though, you should at least admit that you love me."

"Unofficially I do."

"Unofficially? Then what do you think of me 'officially'?"

"That's classified," but by the way Kyou placed his hand over Haru's and the shine in those red orbs, Haru knew the answer.

Haru closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of all that was and all that had happened today. He wanted to saver this moment as much as possible, and he did. He even laughed when he ate a piece of Kyou's steak and was called a cannibal. But he explained that it would be cannibalism if he was in his ox form and eating cow, and plus he likes the taste of beef; it was close to the tangy taste that lingered in Kyou's mouth all the time.

Once they got home there was a VERY pissed off Akito there to greet them. The rest of the house hold was not there and the head of the clan was by himself dressed in a casual clothing, obviously he had been out and about doing... whatever the hell Akito does when he's not at home.

"Haru," the soft voice of the frail man cut through the air like a sharp sword. "Could you wait outside for a bit?"

The ox looked to his kitten. He was about to say 'no' when the young man spoke up once again.

"I believe there is a certain black cat stuck upon the roof."

Kyou nodded to Haru who grunted and headed out, who the hell knows how long Hoodoo has been outside.

Once he was gone there air in the room was thick once more. Akito raised his hand in a motion for Kyou to sit across the table from him. Kyou swallowed and did as told, there was... something off about Akito. There was something about this situation that made his stomach flip and flop. He wanted to run out of the house and into the darkened woods that were familiar with their cold and solitude. He felt the need to want to reach over and take hold of his lover's hand but Haru was not there. There was only him and the doll faced man with eyes as slender and sharp as beasts of lore.

The clock ticked louder than usual as Akito watched him before finally breaking the silence.

"I heard... many things about you."

Kyou found it hard to get his voice to work, so thus another minute of uncomfortable silence ticked by once more before he said anything, "What have you heard?"

"That you have adopted an orphaned kitten, and you have finally visited your mother's grave."

"That's... all?"

Akito brought his hands up upon the table, lacing his fingers as his eyes looked at the pale flesh his hands had, "The rest I have more have seen than heard."

It felt like the room was getting smaller. Was he going to be taken away before his time? Was he going to be beaten? What was-

"I'm pleased."

"What?"

Akito looked at the cat, "Have you ever asked why I am always hard on everyone?"

Kyou nodded slowly.

"This world," Akito got up and slowly paced to the sliding door that lead to the porch. He slid it open before folding his arms behind his back, all the while speaking softly, "It's filled with people who are short sighted, they hate everyone that comes across their path and if their is an anomaly than they tend to strive to whatever heights possible to remove it. We, who are born with differences, have to be able to live through hardships every minute, but what is most important is to accept."

"I don't get what you mean."

Akito turned around, a smile on his face that was strained from how tired he was, "I'm saying that I'm proud of you Kyou."

Time froze. Did... did he just hear that?

Telling that the cat was just given a lot to deal with he just continued on, as if to explain, "You have been fighting all of your life, striving to please others and best anyone that came your way only to fail time and time again, but you would not give up and fight more. That was why I had planned on placing you into the holding cell for all the other cats in time. But unlike them you had finally learned to place your vendetta away. You had finally ochived what I wanted you to all these years."

Kyou was looking around the room like the empty room would piece all of this together. What had he done that all the other cats in history had not? They had loved, hell they even had children, they had tried their hardest and some had even just given up. So what had made him so special?

His eyes fell upon a picture in a small frame that was on the wall, it was of Shigure, Yuki, Tohru and himself. Then he understood and he voiced it as if he was unsure, "I forgave the rat."

Akito nodded, "Yes. And for that, you were able to finally heal that age old hatred between the rat and the cat."

"So that means?" Did it mean it? Did it really mean it?!

The head of the clan waved his hand for Kyou to come to him. Swallowing hard, the redhead hesitated and walked over. Thin arms wrapped around him and he felt a warmth like no other. It was tender, accepting, and so very kind. Frail fingers stroked through his hair as words he thought he would never hear was spoken aloud, "Welcome home little kitten."

And Kyou cried, he was accepted, he had finally been accepted into the zodiac. He understood then, that Akito was only mean to them because he was trying to prepare them for the cruel world that would shun them so harshly. He knew now that the only reason why he would have been locked away from everything and everyone was to shelter him from everyone else that hated the cat so very much. But now, now he was accepted, he was apart of the family and...

"Akito I won't be-"

"Sssh, no no," the young man placed a kiss upon Kyou's brow. "From here on out, you get to live your life the way you wish to. Just come and visit often."

Out side of the room, on the porch, stood Haru, tears of relief and happiness dripping silently on the black fur of the cat in his arms. Here he had planned on rescuing Kyou, but Kyou had saved himself with out even knowing it.

----------

Out side Akito's room stood a large group of people all prepped to tell Akito not to take Kyou away. But for some reason the young 'god' was not present.

---------

Two years later

--------

"Damn it!" Kyou hissed and tossed the shoji piece out the window, "How the hell am I supposed to win when you're an old pro at this?"

Haru chuckled, "When you're just learning it's kind of hard to beat someone who's been playing for a while."

"Shut it!"

"Sssh," Haru motioned to the woven basket that Kyou was rocking, "She just got to sleep."

They looked down to the baby in the basket where Hoodoo was currently flicking his tail over the kid's face. Kyou rolled his eyes, he knew Hoodoo was overly excited to have a sibling but he didn't imagine that the cat would take a liking as he did. It was actually extremely rare to find the cat not right next to the newborn.

The door to the room suddenly opened up, reveling a round Tohru with a tray of tea and snacks, "Kyou-kun, Hatsuharu-san, I brought you some-"

"Tohru," Kyou sighed getting up when the baby started to cry. He pulled the little bundle out of the basket and approached the lady who Haru was taking the tray from.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake her."

"That's not the problem," the redhead frowned. "You're still running around when you're about to pop, having another kid to start growing in ya only a few months after giving birth; you gotta take it easy."

"Oh! But I am," the woman smiled brightly. "Yuki takes very good care of me." She eyed the baby that Kyou held and he rolled his eyes.

"Just ask to hold Kyouko, it's okay."

"R-really? You sure?"

"Duh Tohru, you are her surrogate mother."

Haru ruffled the woman's hair as she held the baby she had birthed, "We did name her after your mother for a reason and we do visit quiet frequently because you ARE her mother."

Tohru stroked her baby's face, "I appreciate that. I really do."

Kyou kissed Tohru's temple and wrapped an arm around her shoulders giving a gentle squeeze, Haru shrugged and just hugged the whole lot of them whispering into their ears, "One big happy family."

THE END!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 


End file.
